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Somehow, Hope (Free verse) by DeadtotheWorld
The Sweet pain of agony As she lies on her bed Pondering the facts of her existence Nay, she seems to have many subjects on her mind Many of which, have been placed up upon her as if It were her burden to carry out and fulfill some kind Of heroic Endeavor, but many don’t understand For in which, this is where she succeeded over the rest She can contemplate the good and bad over any situation But sometimes fools herself, As a situation transforms into a debacle Complications that will be surpassed by her wit Sorrow that will be succeeded by the love for her man Confusion fades away for now she has her head on straight If a car needs gas to run, then she is the fuel to my love Sometimes words are spoken, others they don’t need to be

Up the ladder: johnny dowd
Down the ladder: Pop the Pill

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.179294
Overall Rank: 4828
Posted: April 26, 2005 5:22 PM PDT; Last modified: April 26, 2005 5:22 PM PDT
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[7] jessicazee @ | 27-Apr-05/1:09 AM | Reply
I kind of get where you're coming from...but to make it more accessible (without, I think, losing your mysteriousness)...omit the capitalized "Sweet" and "Endeavor" and maybe replace with more concrete sentiment...i.e. colors/places/smells that are real to you...will make your excellent last two lines more meaningful. So close.
[4] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ | 27-Apr-05/10:11 PM | Reply
I have to wonder, what the hell were you smoking? I can't even begin to tell you all the things that irritated me about this. Try not to use the same words repeatedly(Like 'many' for one example, there are plenty of other words that mean the exact same thing). I liked what I thought you were trying to get at here, but I hated how you tried to get there. -4-
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