Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Nowhere but now (Free verse) by phbiscuit
Nowhere but now here with these last few hours and this setting sun by the drinking trees soaking the breath and the minutes like water for life falling and failing these summer-soft moments throwing us back to the grass-bed holding on where we know we will never be again with dew drops growing beside and beneath the forms we have sunk into the bent-sole grass for these last few failing hours.

Up the ladder: 15 Minute poem
Down the ladder: Fading Freindships

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 21
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.179294
Overall Rank: 4823
Posted: February 11, 2004 3:31 PM PST; Last modified: February 11, 2004 3:31 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[8] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.169.109 | 12-Feb-04/3:14 AM | Reply
I like the poem.. but not the linebreaks.. Might I suggest linebreaking it this way?:

____
Nowhere but now
here with these last few hours
and this setting sun
by the drinking trees
soaking the breath and
the minutes like water
for life falling and failing
these summer-soft moments
throwing us back to the grass-bed
holding on where we know we will
never be again
with dew drops growing beside
and beneath the forms we have sunk
into the bent-sole grass for these last few
failing hours.
----


Blessed with eight.
[8] richa @ 81.178.197.46 | 12-Feb-04/11:37 AM | Reply
Good, short lines are always difficult as the break should serve a purpose.
180 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001