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Nowhere but now (Free verse) by phbiscuit
Nowhere but now here with these last few hours and this setting sun by the drinking trees soaking the breath and the minutes like water for life falling and failing these summer-soft moments throwing us back to the grass-bed holding on where we know we will never be again with dew drops growing beside and beneath the forms we have sunk into the bent-sole grass for these last few failing hours.

Up the ladder: Try Thinking Too
Down the ladder: The Horror The Horror

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.179294
Overall Rank: 4790
Posted: February 11, 2004 3:31 PM PST; Last modified: February 11, 2004 3:31 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.169.109 | 12-Feb-04/3:14 AM | Reply
I like the poem.. but not the linebreaks.. Might I suggest linebreaking it this way?:

____
Nowhere but now
here with these last few hours
and this setting sun
by the drinking trees
soaking the breath and
the minutes like water
for life falling and failing
these summer-soft moments
throwing us back to the grass-bed
holding on where we know we will
never be again
with dew drops growing beside
and beneath the forms we have sunk
into the bent-sole grass for these last few
failing hours.
----


Blessed with eight.
[8] richa @ 81.178.197.46 | 12-Feb-04/11:37 AM | Reply
Good, short lines are always difficult as the break should serve a purpose.
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