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A Strenuous Recollection

Member since 2004 · Posted 11 Jun 2004 · Edited 27 Aug 2004 · 26 comments

Between longest hour (and sand quick day), torpor sets in the tongue. And this quickening lassitude- dries even up the wettest lust to an unkempt,unchaste crust, of lapse and indifference- of long past passion(behind a hope), of original lick of flat,tan stomachs. Intrigue lose in a ran-out inkwell, dim blots of flushed eruptions. The first fondle of new,moist,electric swell- has turned to a strenuous recollection.

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26 comments

[0] Shardik 11-Jun-04/2:36 PM Reply

(fleckier)

[n/a] Doug › Shardik 11-Jun-04/2:54 PM Reply

What the hell is fleck?

[0] Shardik › Doug 11-Jun-04/7:03 PM Reply

You know a fleck?
Like flea doo.

[0] horus8 11-Jun-04/7:06 PM Reply

Change "hope" to Pope, and then I believe you'll still have fleck, but it will be HOLY fleck.

[n/a] Doug › horus8 11-Jun-04/7:33 PM Reply

horus8 and sharpdick are engadged in a 69er as we speak.
Your both or I mean you are a great critic or words,save your own!

[n/a] zodiac › Doug 11-Jun-04/10:20 PM Reply

Is English your second language?

[n/a] zodiac › Doug 11-Jun-04/10:56 PM Reply

For horus8 and Shardik to "69" would require an extra mouth and set of genitalia, as well as some kind of sharklike cartilaginous spine. You would find it interesting, no doubt, but I'm afraid you'd never be able to see Cirque de Soliel the same way afterward.

[0] god'swife 11-Jun-04/7:50 PM Reply

What can I say you're like so totally awesome. i f I lived next door to you I'd spend the whole day pining at the kitchen window, waiting for you to walk out the front door, then I'd 'conveniently(teehee) step outside just hoping maybe you'd notice the new hip-huggers I bought at Nordstroms with the 80 bucks I save up from my allowance the birthday money!

It must be great to be you.

Nice use of torper, and lassitude.

[n/a] Doug › god'swife 11-Jun-04/7:56 PM Reply

thanks "god'swife" I looked those words up myself.Da ha da ha.

[n/a] Doug › god'swife 11-Jun-04/8:20 PM Reply

Nice use of"pining"and"conveniently""godesses husband".
Do me one favor?Suck one more penis before you go back to Nordstoms-please?

[n/a] zodiac › Doug 11-Jun-04/10:37 PM Reply

Shut up. Or, even better - since you're not going to follow my advice, anyway - learn to fucking type.

And incidentally:
"Torper" is correctly spelled "Torpor."

Almost all of your commas require spaces after. Dashes, when used properly, should either be doubled (word--word) or spaced (word - word). As none of yours are used correctly, I don't think you need to worry about that part yet.

"Lose" should be "loose."

This poem is rather crappy - mostly because of your last line, but at least ten percent because of the idiotic comments with which you've besmeared this site today. Hey, and here's a prognostication for you:

Doug: Fuck you. I know as much about writing as you!

Jaime zodiac: Not. I have a Master's in Poetry from an accredited Poetry School, and besides I don't give a fuck what you think about writing or anything else for that matter, no returns.

Doug: Stuffy intellectual elitist! You're what's wrong with poemranker and btw I gave all your poems zeros.

Jaime zodiac: cock.

Doug [a week later, at most]: ...

[n/a] Doug › zodiac 15-Jun-04/7:18 PM Reply

You have a degree from The University of Roses are Red!
I saw your transcipts, you majored in "How to Bore People with Words" and minored in Lack of Thought!

[n/a] zodiac › Doug 14-Jun-04/11:14 PM Reply

And please try in the future not to extrapolate your illiterate nonsense all over my poems, Doug. I am not the speaker of the hand-job poem; one Hatch "Cunnilingus" Cunningham, of Catcher in the Rye fame, is. As it happens, he knows very little of either love or war, being dead of prolonged seasickness on a troop transport to Vietnam. And any idiot can see the poem's not about love or war, anyway. It's about the joke phrase that goes "In love as in war, every hole is a trench," which I copped from Francisco Goldman's really excellent novel The Ordinary Seaman (pun intended, I'm sure.)

And my name's not Jimmy, fucktard.

And at least I know how to punctuate after a comma.

And is a fantasy of jerking off a man in uniform more sad that a fantasy of jerking off a civilian? Why the hell should it be?

And also: cock. You've proved all my predictions right. Congratulations on being a fucktard and flaming onanist. I look forward to your imminent departure.

[n/a] Doug › zodiac 15-Jun-04/7:07 PM Reply

Thanks for being so damn funny -- Jimmy!
You prove once again a masters degree has zero value.

P.S. I loved the And also:cock, so so funny sort of like your life and music. Bye Bye

[n/a] zodiac › Doug 15-Jun-04/9:29 PM Reply

How on earth have I proved "once again a masters degree has zero value"? If anything, I've shown myself to be more-than-passing at one of the language systems which make all interaction, comprehension and even thought possible, while you've only blundered around here in the vacuum of your own incoherence. You can't even write "Master's" correctly. Seriously, you might consider yourself a walking advertisement for English education (presuming, of course, that you can walk.)

Thanks!
James "Jihad" zodiac

PS-My life is indeed intolerably funny, though probably not to you as much as it is to me. If you don't find your own life funny, that's probably because you are the biggest retard and fuckwit you know.

[n/a] Doug › zodiac 15-Jun-04/7:22 PM Reply

If I could only learn how to punctuate after a coma my life would be complete.
Thanks Jimmy!

[n/a] zodiac › Doug 15-Jun-04/9:17 PM Reply

"If I could only learn how to punctuate after a coma my life would be complete."

Thanks!
Jimmy

[n/a] ==Doylum › zodiac 11-Sep-04/5:38 PM Reply

And at least I know how to punctuate after a comma.

thats skill to the nth degree.

you should of course add that

My dads a fireman so there what does your dad do? he i bet he's a binman or a college lecturer or somting. And i bet you like spam sandwitches as well and Jason Donovan. So there!

Nice to see everyone is still entirely gay here on poemranker. and that zodiac appears to be the most gayestist of all.

Yeah?

[n/a] Doug › god'swife 11-Jun-04/8:29 PM Reply

I would pull those hip-huggers down to your ankles and take your ass cherry,if you still had your's!-which you hav'nt had since you were ten!

[n/a] pain killer › Doug 12-Jun-04/11:16 AM Reply

oh fuckin hell...the boys are back in town, been hanging out down at the poemrankers arms again and jimmy zodiac has got a cob on at the idea of someone else blowing horus8...what a prize pair of wankers these two twotters are

oh look at us gosh wibble honk squit squirt..we are both so smart and intimidating yoinks blurt blart!

Jammy zodiac...now how smart is that? about as smart as parallels

really does get me every time

[n/a] pain killer › pain killer 12-Jun-04/1:07 PM Reply

Brian zodiac...did you know i've got a masters in wibbling
horus8..yeah?...i've got masters in honking
Brian zodiac...in what area did you specialize oh great one?
horus8...parallels
brian zodiac...oh neat...i specialized in twotterism
horus8...was it hard?
brian zodiac...not once you blew me...oh and by the way...solipsistic
horus8...oh well done that man, jolly good pancakes...asphalt, asphalt, asphalt

etc etc

[n/a] zodiac › pain killer 12-Jun-04/8:42 PM Reply

Yawn.

[n/a] pain killer › zodiac 18-Jun-04/10:21 AM Reply

exactly

[0] horus8 11-Sep-04/2:17 PM Reply

I've seen mooseknuckles with more style and flair.
This is just bad writing, but with emphasis on
what it's like to be black, poor, and in a dress.

[10] klosterfobik › horus8 11-Sep-04/6:08 PM Reply

Which are you?
I'm so glad I'm not you Whore-Us-Ate.
A sad little boy with no talent or hope.

[n/a] ==Doylum › klosterfobik 11-Sep-04/6:17 PM Reply

Jeremey is one of my best friends and i love him more than a tiny little wee little small jockey loves his horse. Jeremey is not a sad little boy. Jeremey is a mighty man nippled god of the world wide web and part time superman! He has talent, and by god and damn yer eyes he has HOPE. Hope for a brighter future.