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A Strenuous Recollection (Free verse) by Doug Between longest hour
(and sand quick day),
torpor sets in the tongue.
And this quickening lassitude-
dries even up the wettest lust
to an unkempt,unchaste crust,
of lapse and indifference-
of long past passion(behind a hope),
of original lick of flat,tan stomachs.
Intrigue lose in a ran-out inkwell,
dim blots of flushed eruptions.
The first fondle
of new,moist,electric swell-
has turned to a strenuous recollection.
Up the ladder:
broken
Down the ladder:
Gratitude
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Posted: June 11, 2004 11:08 AM PDT; Last modified: August 27, 2004 10:24 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.179294 Overall Rank: 4840 Comments:
Change "hope" to Pope, and then I believe you'll still have fleck, but it will be HOLY fleck.
horus8 and sharpdick are engadged in a 69er as we speak.
Your both or I mean you are a great critic or words,save your own!
Is English your second language?
For horus8 and Shardik to "69" would require an extra mouth and set of genitalia, as well as some kind of sharklike cartilaginous spine. You would find it interesting, no doubt, but I'm afraid you'd never be able to see Cirque de Soliel the same way afterward.
What can I say you're like so totally awesome. i f I lived next door to you I'd spend the whole day pining at the kitchen window, waiting for you to walk out the front door, then I'd 'conveniently(teehee) step outside just hoping maybe you'd notice the new hip-huggers I bought at Nordstroms with the 80 bucks I save up from my allowance the birthday money!
It must be great to be you. Nice use of torper, and lassitude.
thanks "god'swife" I looked those words up myself.Da ha da ha.
Nice use of"pining"and"conveniently""godesses husband".
Do me one favor?Suck one more penis before you go back to Nordstoms-please?
Shut up. Or, even better - since you're not going to follow my advice, anyway - learn to fucking type.
And incidentally: "Torper" is correctly spelled "Torpor." Almost all of your commas require spaces after. Dashes, when used properly, should either be doubled (word--word) or spaced (word - word). As none of yours are used correctly, I don't think you need to worry about that part yet. "Lose" should be "loose." This poem is rather crappy - mostly because of your last line, but at least ten percent because of the idiotic comments with which you've besmeared this site today. Hey, and here's a prognostication for you: Doug: Fuck you. I know as much about writing as you! Jaime zodiac: Not. I have a Master's in Poetry from an accredited Poetry School, and besides I don't give a fuck what you think about writing or anything else for that matter, no returns. Doug: Stuffy intellectual elitist! You're what's wrong with poemranker and btw I gave all your poems zeros. Jaime zodiac: cock. Doug [a week later, at most]: ...
You have a degree from The University of Roses are Red!
I saw your transcipts, you majored in "How to Bore People with Words" and minored in Lack of Thought!
And please try in the future not to extrapolate your illiterate nonsense all over my poems, Doug. I am not the speaker of the hand-job poem; one Hatch "Cunnilingus" Cunningham, of Catcher in the Rye fame, is. As it happens, he knows very little of either love or war, being dead of prolonged seasickness on a troop transport to Vietnam. And any idiot can see the poem's not about love or war, anyway. It's about the joke phrase that goes "In love as in war, every hole is a trench," which I copped from Francisco Goldman's really excellent novel The Ordinary Seaman (pun intended, I'm sure.)
And my name's not Jimmy, fucktard. And at least I know how to punctuate after a comma. And is a fantasy of jerking off a man in uniform more sad that a fantasy of jerking off a civilian? Why the hell should it be? And also: cock. You've proved all my predictions right. Congratulations on being a fucktard and flaming onanist. I look forward to your imminent departure.
Thanks for being so damn funny -- Jimmy!
You prove once again a masters degree has zero value. P.S. I loved the And also:cock, so so funny sort of like your life and music. Bye Bye
How on earth have I proved "once again a masters degree has zero value"? If anything, I've shown myself to be more-than-passing at one of the language systems which make all interaction, comprehension and even thought possible, while you've only blundered around here in the vacuum of your own incoherence. You can't even write "Master's" correctly. Seriously, you might consider yourself a walking advertisement for English education (presuming, of course, that you can walk.)
Thanks! James "Jihad" zodiac PS-My life is indeed intolerably funny, though probably not to you as much as it is to me. If you don't find your own life funny, that's probably because you are the biggest retard and fuckwit you know.
If I could only learn how to punctuate after a coma my life would be complete.
Thanks Jimmy!
"If I could only learn how to punctuate after a coma my life would be complete."
Thanks! Jimmy
And at least I know how to punctuate after a comma.
thats skill to the nth degree. you should of course add that My dads a fireman so there what does your dad do? he i bet he's a binman or a college lecturer or somting. And i bet you like spam sandwitches as well and Jason Donovan. So there! Nice to see everyone is still entirely gay here on poemranker. and that zodiac appears to be the most gayestist of all. Yeah?
I would pull those hip-huggers down to your ankles and take your ass cherry,if you still had your's!-which you hav'nt had since you were ten!
oh fuckin hell...the boys are back in town, been hanging out down at the poemrankers arms again and jimmy zodiac has got a cob on at the idea of someone else blowing horus8...what a prize pair of wankers these two twotters are
oh look at us gosh wibble honk squit squirt..we are both so smart and intimidating yoinks blurt blart! Jammy zodiac...now how smart is that? about as smart as parallels really does get me every time
Brian zodiac...did you know i've got a masters in wibbling
horus8..yeah?...i've got masters in honking Brian zodiac...in what area did you specialize oh great one? horus8...parallels brian zodiac...oh neat...i specialized in twotterism horus8...was it hard? brian zodiac...not once you blew me...oh and by the way...solipsistic horus8...oh well done that man, jolly good pancakes...asphalt, asphalt, asphalt etc etc
Yawn.
exactly
I've seen mooseknuckles with more style and flair.
This is just bad writing, but with emphasis on what it's like to be black, poor, and in a dress.
Which are you?
I'm so glad I'm not you Whore-Us-Ate. A sad little boy with no talent or hope.
Jeremey is one of my best friends and i love him more than a tiny little wee little small jockey loves his horse. Jeremey is not a sad little boy. Jeremey is a mighty man nippled god of the world wide web and part time superman! He has talent, and by god and damn yer eyes he has HOPE. Hope for a brighter future.
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Like flea doo.