Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

I Remember Thinking (Free verse) by BrandonW
You always had a smaller frame than her. I thought I missed that! I remember thinking - how great this was. While those sharp fucking fingernails of yours were digging into my back. How in the hell did I get here? What in the hell am I doing? You were so beautiful though. Much more beautiful than I had remembered. I couldn't tell if those faces were pleasure or pain. Maybe I got off on that. Yeah, probably. I knew I shouldn't have gone to see you! How could I do this? "You can cum inside me, its okay." I remember thinking that - a blessing. But I also remember opening my eyes, immediately after releasing myself in disgust - disgust of you.. and of me.. How did you ever end up back in my bed? Didn't I leave you for her? I guess this was an awkward time, to realize that I really loved her! But thats when I did. And I remember thinking.. - this never happened!

Up the ladder: The Absense of God
Down the ladder: Ash Wednesday

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 10
.. 00
.. 11
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 3.8333333
Weighted score: 4.686235
Overall Rank: 12097
Posted: March 2, 2004 1:39 PM PST; Last modified: December 11, 2005 3:46 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[10] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 2-Mar-04/6:04 PM | Reply
excellent (period, full fucking stop).
[n/a] BrandonW @ 172.161.60.238 > Shuushin | 2-Mar-04/7:56 PM | Reply
Thank you! That means alot from you..
[6] zodiac @ 69.132.67.140 | 12-Dec-05/12:29 PM | Reply
"than she", not "than her".
[4] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 13-Dec-05/2:12 PM | Reply
It's just that it's really just a letter to some chick..not really a poem.
[2] nentwined @ 64.60.192.131 | 13-Dec-05/5:04 PM | Reply
How in the hell did I get here?
What in the hell am I doing?
I knew I shouldn't have gone to see you!
How could I do this?

-- I don't like those lines. I'm thinking up to that point, the piece might be okay if it were a bit more breathless.

You pretty much completely lost me after that.
[n/a] BrandonW @ 216.78.99.213 > nentwined | 14-Dec-05/10:01 PM | Reply
Well, its all pretty much straight forward.. I don't see how you got lost.. But anyways, those lines are just random thoughts that 'I remebered thinking'.. I don't feel I need then to convey the message.. maybe I'll think about keeping only what is needed.
238 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001