poemranker ::I Remember Thinking by BrandonW

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Free verse № 93213

I Remember Thinking

by BrandonW

Member since 2002 · Posted 2 Mar 2004 · Edited 11 Dec 2005 · 6 comments

You always had a smaller frame than her. I thought I missed that! I remember thinking - how great this was. While those sharp fucking fingernails of yours were digging into my back. How in the hell did I get here? What in the hell am I doing? You were so beautiful though. Much more beautiful than I had remembered. I couldn't tell if those faces were pleasure or pain. Maybe I got off on that. Yeah, probably. I knew I shouldn't have gone to see you! How could I do this? "You can cum inside me, its okay." I remember thinking that - a blessing. But I also remember opening my eyes, immediately after releasing myself in disgust - disgust of you.. and of me.. How did you ever end up back in my bed? Didn't I leave you for her? I guess this was an awkward time, to realize that I really loved her! But thats when I did. And I remember thinking.. - this never happened!

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6 comments

[10] Shuushin 2-Mar-04/6:04 PM Reply
excellent (period, full fucking stop).
[n/a] BrandonW › Shuushin 2-Mar-04/7:56 PM Reply
Thank you! That means alot from you..
[6] zodiac 12-Dec-05/12:29 PM Reply
"than she", not "than her".
[4] wilco 13-Dec-05/2:12 PM Reply
It's just that it's really just a letter to some chick..not really a poem.
[2] nentwined 13-Dec-05/5:04 PM Reply
How in the hell did I get here?
What in the hell am I doing?
I knew I shouldn't have gone to see you!
How could I do this?

-- I don't like those lines. I'm thinking up to that point, the piece might be okay if it were a bit more breathless.

You pretty much completely lost me after that.
[n/a] BrandonW › nentwined 14-Dec-05/10:01 PM Reply
Well, its all pretty much straight forward.. I don't see how you got lost.. But anyways, those lines are just random thoughts that 'I remebered thinking'.. I don't feel I need then to convey the message.. maybe I'll think about keeping only what is needed.