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Dream of a Vanilla Sky (Free verse) by smlink84 Dream of a Vanilla Sky
Moderated Infatuation controlled
By the Vanilla Sky,
A man walks through the autumn breeze
With two blind eyes
Bound together, in old straw and twine.
The third eye is between his lips and ears
Existing but invisible.
The last leaf of autumn falls
In his left pocket,
His shirt is torn and his feet are
Blistered.
He carries tears with the wasted years,
His hair is white
Like the first snowfall of the winter,
Left untouched.
The sky grows darker
But the man walks and walks
With his assortment of belongings,
Dreaming old and new fantasiesâ¦.
Wanton face and the pale skin,
Foils with the lewd colors
Of an autumn wind yet to be born.
He has a beard now
And he lies still,
You can see him there
Lying on the gravel on his back,
Watch the little maggots
Enjoy a delightful five star meal.
The maggots are white
Just like his hair,
Under the Vanilla Sky.
Up the ladder:
we will miss you papi
Down the ladder:
The road to my Saturday
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Posted: February 26, 2004 8:28 PM PST; Last modified: February 26, 2004 8:28 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.905148 Overall Rank: 9754 Comments:
Quick note - you don't need to put the title in the body as well.
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Think of it this way: say I wrote a poem entitled "I'm a Racist Pedophile". Even if the poem itself wasn't about me being a racist pedophile, people would probably think that about me, and I'd be more than a little responsible for that.
More accurately for your situation, say I wrote a poem called "I Live in The Matrix" - now what are the odds that I invented a metaphor for the empowered institution I'm required to subscribe to by the fact of my living on earth, and just happened to call that institution 'The Matrix' without having given any regard to the popular trilogy starring Keanu Reeves? They're pretty long; people are going to think I'm referring to the movie, which would be crap. Change it. CHANGE IT CHANGE IT CHANGE IT. And it's not like I'm criticizing an image you spent hours inventing yourself (or, incidentally, one which has anything really to do with the imagery of your poem,) so why defend it? Just think of almost any other adjective than vanilla and attach it to almost any other adjective than sky and you'll be alright.
Very glad I stuck with it, it was a wonderful and beautiful movie - not an easy movie.
Btw, I doubt this smlink dude was even thinking of that flick, he was more likely referencing the *painting*.