Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Poe ét tri (Other) by Blue Magpie
In a forest far from here, in a woodland damp and drear wandered one man lost and lonely with no other spirit near, and he pondered as he wandered; “What is darker love or fear?” So he travelled without care, moving onward unaware, ‘til he saw, in secret, hiding, in his heart, the beast despair, and he asked it, hoping blindly; “What is there in life that’s fair?⠀ From it’s shadows quick and seer, flew foul my echoes to his ear, and unholy lights delighted in presenting visions queer, but they could not face the question; “What is darker love or fear?” Slowly passed he from its lair, but in leaving found nowhere, that he could, in goodness counting, wish with other souls to share, and the forest echoed round him; “What is there in life that’s fair?⠀ Struggling, for no way seemed near, still he strove a path to clear and he mumbled as he stumbled, should an angel chance to hear of a pathway he could follow; “What is darker love or fear?” With his soul in this repair, asked he upwardly in prayer, of the Lord he still adored, "Is there a spirit who’ll declare an answer to this question dire?'; “What is there in life that’s fair?” ‘Though he listened long to hear, nothing heard he to give cheer just the trees in silence sleeping whisper with a wicked leer to the shattered light around him; What is darker love or fear? In a forest far from here, in a woodland damp and drear wanders one man lost and lonely with no other spirit near and he ponders as he wanders; What is darker love or fear?

Up the ladder: You Left Your Brownies
Down the ladder: Gaping Hole

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 11
.. 00

Arithmetic Mean: 4.25
Weighted score: 4.910598
Overall Rank: 9599
Posted: February 17, 2004 10:56 PM PST; Last modified: February 17, 2004 10:56 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[7] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 18-Feb-04/8:23 PM | Reply
I was really hoping this would go someplace other than back to the beginning.

It shows some promise - I suggest you try and wrap it up somehow.

As it sits, its a seven in my mind, tops. could easily be more.
[n/a] Blue Magpie @ 212.205.251.108 > Shuushin | 18-Feb-04/10:37 PM | Reply
Yes I had a big arguement with myself about the ending, and eventually I somehow convinced myself I was writing about Poe and that he never found the answers he was looking for so I let it cycle, but I may change it yet. I would be interested in other peoples opinions.

Note also seer should be sear, and there should be no semicolon in S5
[n/a] Blue Magpie @ 212.205.251.93 > Shuushin | 18-Feb-04/11:59 PM | Reply
OK here is an alternative ending, drop off the last stanza in the above and read

Climbing up a rocky stair to a hill top dry and bare,
in the misty morning’s music rested he a moment rare,
and in sleeping quietly muttered; “What is there in life that’s fair?”

Dreaming deeply ‘til a seer with a light both pure and clear,
showed him beauty boldly beating in the loves he held most dear,
knew he then how life was fair, how darkness only was his fear
and with life lightly returning shed in joy a perfect tear.


Also I think I'll change the title "Inner Forest"
[n/a] richa @ 81.178.218.30 > Blue Magpie | 19-Feb-04/7:14 AM | Reply
No inher forest sounds too naff.
198 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001