Re: The birdboy that was (Icarus) by Y2kSlamPoet	15-Feb-04/5:46 PM
This thought of icarus being converted to fuel some other thought or inspiration is a good one. Would be worthy of a poem with it as a central theme. The idea of it can be used in other similar tales - like christ's body used as fertilizer, perhaps (would have to work around the logic problem of the whole stored in a cave thing, though). As for the rest of this poem, it smacks of an attack on someone, though I don't think the reader is given a solid idea of who - a personal mission perhaps?
Re: Insomnia by dreamsdiefirst	15-Feb-04/2:39 PM
five seven then five do you need an abucus? I counted this thrice. actually, you can play with the syllable count - I just like posting that when I get the chance. ;o) Did you do it on purpose? If so, why not just stick the other syllable ("I") in there? With "in som ni a" you are basically halfway there; that's a tough one.
Re: Lasting Forever by angel_uy	12-Feb-04/3:45 AM
convincingly conveyed hope.
Re: a comment on House of the Risen Son by livingcanvas	11-Feb-04/3:41 PM
really? *before* the Animals? - I dinna know that!
Re: House of the Risen Son by livingcanvas	11-Feb-04/11:55 AM
yes - I predict this will be a big hit, so big in fact, that it will be copied with slight modifications by the Doors, the Animals, and Bob Dylan.
Re: Lifes work by richa	10-Feb-04/1:02 PM
Surreal nice.
Re: a comment on After the ice season ~ shamelessly lewd revision by zodiac	9-Feb-04/12:42 PM
So your saying its modifying "winds" (noun), rather than "blow" (verb)? As in: "where the warm winds blow" - oh, okay - that works. I thought you meant it like , "where the winds blow warmly" Otherwise, I thought it would be a noun, as in "warm is this thing that blows"
Re: Suggestions by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	9-Feb-04/12:39 PM
what exactly is a custard cream, anyway?
Re: After the ice season ~ shamelessly lewd revision by zodiac	9-Feb-04/10:50 AM
Took me a couple reads to appreciate it, but I like it. My main hesitation was the many prepositional phrases - having said that, I really want the first line to be: "After this season of ice is over" - see, another prep phrase, but it seems to flow better, imho. My ear keeps wanting "warm" to be an adverb, rather than a noun - but somehow it works (as is often the case). And I'd prefer some specific types of tree and wine and weed. But, after a few reads, the idea of it convinces me - its a good perspective. Good enough to build a snowman out of -8-
Re: a comment on Gardener by lastobelus	7-Feb-04/1:02 PM
in this case, I have none; ship it.
Re: everything Zen by crwncka1	7-Feb-04/12:05 PM
first brown spot: "now changing my own reflection forming a reflecting mirror" and that was the last - I think it works quite well.
Re: Gardener by lastobelus	7-Feb-04/9:53 AM
this is very lovely.
Re: Fact of the Matter by marvelis	7-Feb-04/9:09 AM
Well, its on the edge of profundity (either slightly too far, or not far enough - can't decide). A few of the ryhmes and phrasings seemed forced to my ear though. I'm thinking it could be just *slightly* distilled into something very powerful.
Re: regret. by darby pyn	7-Feb-04/9:05 AM
I like it - rhyming scheme is subtle yet sophisticated. I got a little caught up in that though, now I have figure out what the message is...
Re: everyone sucks. by kliq	7-Feb-04/7:45 AM
"And it's more than my mother ever wanted" is a great line worthy of refrain. "less power than [she]" please (as in "less power than she had" not "less power than her had") last line is awkward; consider "... will always be a woman [with choice]." not too shabby at all - I choose to give it a nine.
Re: before I forget by moonUnit	7-Feb-04/6:05 AM
Pleasant - something a mother would love; I like it enough to give it a snowman (cuz its snowing)
Re: UltraSound by UnityMitford	7-Feb-04/5:56 AM
oddly ... odd. ahh - its a father talking to his son about a new daughter.
Re: Swiftly by darkshark	6-Feb-04/5:08 PM
sounds too cold to cross with bare feet... I don't think the first stanza is really needed, certainly not the first line (if not, then u could change "water" to "brook") nor is "out of the water" the last "And" could better be "Then"
Re: a comment on without music by Limness	6-Feb-04/12:40 PM
okay, back. To be more specific - I guess by conveying, sucessfully apparently, a sense of ennui, I believe it doesn't draw the reader in very much. Or perhaps too much; I end up, figuratively, as if it were a sepia photograph slipping from my fingers - and I simply step away from it. What more do I want? I think I want a hook line, or an echoed sentiment, say - related to the first quotation (because that's quite lovely and poignant).
Re: a comment on Monday by betty swallox	6-Feb-04/6:48 AM
(my attempt at humor - no offense meant; I was attempting to be ass-like and shooting for irony).