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before I forget (Free verse) by moonUnit mother
I am so glad
you do not read the newspapers
it would kill you
to see what the world is now
soon
I will be out, colder and wiser
out and free to cut my own crusts
(diagonally, of course)
out and still
I will not step on any cracks
out from under
your glorious red umbrella
your kitchen table
and the hat you made me wear
to school
the one that was itchy
but that's not your fault
it kept me warm all the same.
Up the ladder:
Intense Irrational Realities
Down the ladder:
Jewel
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Posted: December 18, 2002 7:48 PM PST; Last modified: December 18, 2002 7:48 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.4994626 Overall Rank: 2722 Comments:
Reminds me of 'Before You Were Mine', by Carol Ann Duffy, I think.
Original, I love poems that have lines like yours' the hat you made me wear for school -the one that was itchy' its so true to life and representative of childhood memories, this makes me want to eat my mums crap xmas cake just coz i love her ===8=
"glorious red umbrella"--nice. I like this a lot--you've managed to be wistful without falling into sticky sentimentality.
thanks, that's exactly what I was trying to do, because most poems I've read about a writer's mother are nothing but sentimental crap. glad you liked it.
Nice work pally omally
Pleasant - something a mother would love; I like it enough to give it a snowman (cuz its snowing)
I'm giving this an 8 too. It's not really an 8 for me now, but I think it has the potential to be a 10.
"I will be out" bothers me -- what, out of prison? out on your own? out for lunch? out of the office? I agree with biteme that the cracks...red umbrella line is excellent. 158 view(s)
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quite quite good.
I feel all warm and snuggly.