poemranker ::before I forget by moonUnit

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 30916

before I forget

Member since 2002 · Posted 18 Dec 2002 · 8 comments

mother I am so glad you do not read the newspapers it would kill you to see what the world is now soon I will be out, colder and wiser out and free to cut my own crusts (diagonally, of course) out and still I will not step on any cracks out from under your glorious red umbrella your kitchen table and the hat you made me wear to school the one that was itchy but that's not your fault it kept me warm all the same.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.86 weighted 5.50 rank 2721 views 158 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

8 comments

[n/a] Bill Z Bub 18-Dec-02/8:47 PM Reply
quite good.
quite quite good.
I feel all warm and snuggly.
[8] Ranger 19-Dec-02/12:53 AM Reply
Reminds me of 'Before You Were Mine', by Carol Ann Duffy, I think.
[8] Caducus 19-Dec-02/4:28 AM Reply
Original, I love poems that have lines like yours' the hat you made me wear for school -the one that was itchy' its so true to life and representative of childhood memories, this makes me want to eat my mums crap xmas cake just coz i love her ===8=
[8] ecargo 19-Dec-02/9:59 AM Reply
"glorious red umbrella"--nice. I like this a lot--you've managed to be wistful without falling into sticky sentimentality.
[n/a] moonUnit › ecargo 19-Dec-02/8:40 PM Reply
thanks, that's exactly what I was trying to do, because most poems I've read about a writer's mother are nothing but sentimental crap. glad you liked it.
[n/a] SP REYNOLDS 19-Dec-02/2:26 PM Reply
Nice work pally omally
[8] Shuushin 7-Feb-04/6:05 AM Reply
Pleasant - something a mother would love; I like it enough to give it a snowman (cuz its snowing)
[8] lastobelus 7-Feb-04/1:36 PM Reply
I'm giving this an 8 too. It's not really an 8 for me now, but I think it has the potential to be a 10.

"I will be out" bothers me -- what, out of prison? out on your own? out for lunch? out of the office?

I agree with biteme that the cracks...red umbrella line is excellent.