Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT	19-Oct-05/6:44 AM
the language here is quite intriguing, rich, and i agree with dovina that it took a while to work out that the sun was a different entity than the rooster, although that should be obvious. my question to you here is, do we only awaken once, or do we only awaken once as one of these things you mention?
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	19-Oct-05/6:41 AM
I love this: I want to tell you I fear falling into religion and the scaffold of proper nouns, greetings, and expansive gestures - but the sentence seems convoluted to me, and i am not sure of your meaning. not that i need to be sure, it's jsut that i want a clearer reason for these bold statement to link in with that lasting, last image.
Re: Marriage by Dovina	19-Oct-05/6:37 AM
is that what you think marriage is about?
Re: The End by Caducus	14-Oct-05/10:00 AM
i don't think it is. the fact that you are wishing in the next stanza implies that you are living, and i don't think you need to make the promise to. nice job, cad.
Re: The cat who would fly by nentwined	11-Aug-05/1:54 PM
placid may not be the right word, k. it diminishes the impact of the rest of the otherwise strong poem.
Re: Break Free by Fayt	20-Jul-05/8:05 AM
and...? i want more from this.
Re: A Good Man Ruined by Dovina	20-Jul-05/8:03 AM
somehow i feel this one might have been more effective written from the engineer's point of view.
Re: a comment on Low Tide by somemorepoetry	20-Jul-05/8:02 AM
i think you're right--breaking down the technique did a disservice to this otherwise very good poem. i love the imagery you used in the it.
Re: Let the Healing Begin by http://bandgeek	20-Jul-05/7:58 AM
well told.
Re: Oh this little mouse, love by cpill	20-Jul-05/7:56 AM
this has a nice playful feel to it, but "i love you" feels a bit over the top.
Re: Inoculation by bamf909	20-Jul-05/7:54 AM
nice elaboration on a theme.
Re: the smallest box will do by elderking	20-Jul-05/7:52 AM
very nicely done.
Re: Moving Up by jessicazee	20-Jul-05/7:46 AM
not sure if the promotion is to her position at home, or if she's been promoted at work. other than that, i like what you've done. but that one part could be clearer.
Re: CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN by prettyktm	20-Jul-05/7:43 AM
this makes a good Lyric.
Re: Spontaneous Combustion by wilco	8-Jul-05/6:55 AM
this has a nice bounce to it until the last stanza. why did you break it?
Re: Flicking by INTRANSIT	21-Jun-05/1:42 PM
to me, chicanes means trickery, and in that context, i think it works extraordinarily well, rich. nice double entendre.
Re: Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday	14-Jun-05/1:32 PM
i wonder at the choice of name, especially since the 'realitiies rage' opening conjures up Joseph Campbell and his 'Power of Myth'
Re: quick by <~>	14-Jun-05/1:23 PM
this poem was written for a word-list challenge. there was a 30 minute time limit.
Re: a comment on Crossing the Mojave by INTRANSIT	21-May-05/9:51 AM
in the 4th stanza, you use enjambment and that makes the poem flow. this is the standard you should hold the others to. the final, as well, works beautifully. in the others, the abrubt endings give a lurching feeling, where i think you need to have more of a slow meander. it's a good start, excellent theme and idea, but the full stops hinder the gist of it. keep at it and you'll get it better.
Re: a comment on Censor by nentwined	28-Apr-05/12:21 PM
i XXXX XX like X itXX.