| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Oh this little mouse, love (Free verse) by cpill Oh this little mouse
This quite mouse
you scamper you
In the crevice of a noisy day
slips into pin cracks only to rub a worn hand in passing
this thorn of hurried forgetfulness
please hide!
Its in the lone time of the quite room
when the day softly rattles to a halt
outside.
inside is you to me quite quietness
this little thing lies in the middle of the carpet
in the best spot and playful Iâm yours
winds around this finger (I try to point) oh silly
quite shyly smiles me down
playful wrestles a glance and
and geez alright
I guess you can stay
no-because you
I love
Up the ladder:
Misplaced Life
Down the ladder:
The Couch
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6
Posted: August 19, 2004 3:56 AM PDT; Last modified: July 15, 2005 12:13 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0715218 Overall Rank: 6581 Comments:
this has a nice playful feel to it, but "i love you" feels a bit over the top.
565 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Its s/b It's
"playful wrestles a glance and
and geez alright" - are the two "and"s intentional?
As with a few of your other poems, I like where you ended up, but not necessarily how you got there - or maybe it's the other way around; I can't tell.