Re: Lost key for a hall-closet by zodiac	27-Apr-05/6:29 AM
the first 4 stanzas reeled me in, vivid world. you lost me when you started with her thinking about the lingere--what does that have to do with the lost key? okay, i say, maybe he'll pull it together later, and i read on. and then you offer me the last chance--the scallops on the stove and the half-naked woman--and still, no key. okay, i get it it, but the integrration needs work. her sudden realization that 'it isn't here'--why is that an 'of course' reaction?
Re: I dreamt a white Black widow by INTRANSIT	8-Oct-04/10:54 AM
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&;storyID=6452056&src=rss/oddlyEnoughNews&section=news
Re: She washed over me by nentwined	19-Sep-04/7:51 PM
oy. ready? set? crit: She washed over me like water, >>k—washed over me doesn’t need to be qualified with ‘like water’—>>economize your words for greater effect. and I knew love like love had never known; >>abstract she wriggled into every crevice, licked me clean, then left-- >>okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Was it a salty tongue, like >>sharkskin, so smooth on the approach yet tearing and scraping >>like sandpaper as it pulled away? but she came back, caressed me down, deeper still. >>and what did that feel like? She went and came like some sick little game >>yep. Yep. Very clear to me. and I was stone, alone and uncertain; >> I have a hard time with stones being uncertain. They don’t roll. >>They know where they’ll wake up tomorrow. They know what they are >>going to wear tonight. And they definitely know if they look fat >>in that. her visitations slowly eroded my hesitation and I became used to her comings and goings. >>tides? To repeat the water/comparison to elementals metaphor? We settled into a long routine, then: love when she was there >>delete “then” and happy rememberings on her trips away. >>both of you settled into this >both of you with the happy rememberings? Slowly, though, she found my deep imperfections and seeping into them she'd leave a piece of herself behind to whip cold and hot. >>finding and seeping cold maybe be better verbs? More insidious? She'd tell herself tales when she returned and slowly I cracked, I crumbled, >>what sort of tales? About what? Why? And how did it come >>about that you heard them? and she'd whisk those pieces away, rounding them to pebbles, then sand while I remained less and less. >>again, delete “then” The strength of her love never waned and in time it became too much for what was left of me, one raw stone, and I let go. >>you never showed us that she loved you, only that she tortures you I entered her to and fro, another pawn of her whimsy to slowly be rounded to nothing through pleasure. >>apart from ‘pawn’ being overused, the rounding to nothing slowly through pleasure is quite good.
Re: a comment on today the world is beauty by nentwined	2-Jul-04/5:50 PM
it's a slideshow under a microscope. it is exacting. if you have ever felt that way, you can identify. and that makes it strong.
Re: today the world is beauty by nentwined	2-Jul-04/5:44 PM
too many times the world is this way. but as a poem, it is telling more than showinhg. and i am a dick, maybe. but that is that. a weak, insignificant teary-eyed one, whose dreams are so different than the waking world.
Re: Fool by arduinn	9-Jun-04/7:03 PM
and? come on now. you can do better than that.
Re: mutiny by Bill Z Bub	8-Jun-04/6:43 PM
welcome back, bub.
Re: Litany by zodiac	6-Jun-04/4:02 PM
nice one
Re: a comment on becoming by <~>	4-Jun-04/6:04 PM
ah, there they are!
Re: a comment on becoming by <~>	4-Jun-04/6:03 PM
my god! what have you done with my nipples!!!
Re: a comment on The Blood-Stained Body by Phalkon	13-May-04/7:10 PM
wings?
Re: selfhood, through extrospection by nentwined	10-May-04/8:00 PM
nice. now it all comes clear. alles ist klar.
Re: a comment on After the ice season ~ shamelessly lewd revision by zodiac	10-May-04/7:39 PM
nothing lewd here, zodiac. can't you make L1 of S2 work with the sounds of this bit: ' our clothing/ skimmed like curd, when the soothing ' this is so lovely to the ear. and, up-ending the water jug' does not work as well for sound--but visually, that is one hell of an image. i like this revision!
Re: a comment on The follies befalling an unfledged street poet. by SupremeDreamer	8-May-04/11:31 AM
kudos, mr zodiac.
Re: a comment on Zinnias are a funny flower by Bachus	7-May-04/2:45 PM
just a guess, maybe, but my user name used to be zzinnia.
Re: The Influence of Anxiety by Nicholas Jones	7-May-04/2:27 PM
http://poemranker.com/suggestion-browse.jsp?id=100892
Re: a comment on thaw by JakeBike	7-May-04/1:34 AM
why? what have you against either word? i particularly like tumefying because the sound of it suggests more than its meaning.
Re: a comment on Where Have All the Punk Rockers Gone? by wilco	4-May-04/7:43 PM
okay. you got me on that one.
Re: a comment on Where Have All the Punk Rockers Gone? by wilco	4-May-04/7:42 PM
then you have no spine. who cares what they think? hear that everyone--i'm having creed's love child--and i'm only doing it to spite all the proper Xnrockers out there!! i think i'll name it, Christal Laine Creed.
Re: a comment on Where Have All the Punk Rockers Gone? by wilco	4-May-04/7:32 PM
argh. never explain a joke!