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Lost key for a hall-closet (Free verse) by zodiac
Driving home she gets it suddenly, all-whole, surely as if it's tied at the end of a ribbon she spools absent-mindedly from her pocket; the picture she's had of it, widening, lets in a half-done crossword-puzzle, used candles, a high-school- reunion letter - a Place shining real as her hand. She's a lowland topography to her life, she knows: something bright, moss-pungent and utterly-trodden. But this, she thinks, is new - then: Oh. Oh my. Like missing a stair in the dark; she sees: old Bible under the floorboards, a dishrag hung and forgotten out the back window, and she could maybe wear that crotchless thing with the garters. God, she thinks, must've been the kids' last birthday. And, after, like a finger missing. She'd kept opening drawers, always expecting it. A friend of hers says, Lord, a man never lost something without thinking the word new; it's a joke for them, a soiled jumper in the bushes. So. Then she's tucked, like laundry wearing rumpled laundry, in the old crotchless, scallops on the stove and him coming home. This is absurd, she laughs. Then after a moment: This is it. Last chance. The thing she's most sure of: that night her hand wakes her plunging in the crack behind the side-table - for what? she can't remember. Then she says, Oh. Of course. It isn't here.

Down the ladder: Pacifics

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.428572
Weighted score: 6.191026
Overall Rank: 995
Posted: April 27, 2005 5:50 AM PDT; Last modified: April 27, 2005 6:52 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 27-Apr-05/6:29 AM | Reply
the first 4 stanzas reeled me in, vivid world. you lost me when you started with her thinking about the lingere--what does that have to do with the lost key? okay, i say, maybe he'll pull it together later, and i read on. and then you offer me the last chance--the scallops on the stove and the half-naked woman--and still, no key. okay, i get it it, but the integrration needs work.

her sudden realization that 'it isn't here'--why is that an 'of course' reaction?
[n/a] zodiac @ 213.186.171.241 > <~> | 27-Apr-05/6:47 AM | Reply
There was originally a stanza before the "friend of hers" part about her schmuck husband taking off the closet door to fix it and how they were passionless, etc, but it didn't rate, really. Maybe I should try fixing it.

PS-In my imagining of things, the hall-closet was where they keep porn. I also thought she should be gay or extremely masturbatory at the end.
[8] Dovina @ 204.250.12.246 | 27-Apr-05/6:41 AM | Reply
Verses 1 and 2 flow well. Verse 3 starts a transition (knew is really known or new) "She's a lowland topography to her life" is good. Some lines seem unrelated, like, "a man never lost without thinking
the word new"
[9] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.165.7 | 28-Apr-05/8:09 PM | Reply
Loved this part "Then she's tucked, like laundry wearing rumpled laundry,
in the old crotchless, scallops..."
I got the sexual undertone, though not the way you intended it; I was thinking the key was a metaphor for some masturbation tool at the end.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.76 > http://mulberryfairy | 29-Apr-05/4:37 AM | Reply
I considered that. Now I think the key's just some vaguely-defined passion, the kind of thing middleagers mail-order "instructional" videos to recapture.
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