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Green things (Free verse) by ecargo
In the end, we played at speech, words tumbling like the sea, foretelling storms and heaven cracked open. Some things we cannot make as new, we cannot mend. The older gods are dead-- none left to patch the chasms, or stop the sun along its downward slide; none to straddle worlds or shoulder skies. We have no incantations, no offerings against decline. We break us like ice; this chilly, jagged silence is our mortal end. New-fledged, I’ll rise to fly the shattered circle, find a new way, deep and wide, leaving you to build alone. You nest in leaves and break twigs for shelter. You shut out the sky with green things. You shut out the sky.

Up the ladder: Beslan
Down the ladder: Lost key for a hall-closet

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.428572
Weighted score: 6.191026
Overall Rank: 997
Posted: January 13, 2006 9:36 PM PST; Last modified: January 15, 2006 10:07 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Dovina @ 209.247.222.94 | 16-Jan-06/6:24 AM | Reply
I'd rather you did not delete the comments when you make a revision. If you make a major revision, like this one, it seems better to post it as a new poem.

Better than the first.
[n/a] ecargo @ 172.159.125.225 > Dovina | 16-Jan-06/5:21 PM | Reply
Actually, I reverted to an earlier version. Hardly a major revision, by the way.

This has been kicking around in one form or another for ages, and I've never gotten it to a point that I liked. Probably past time to lay it to rest.
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 16-Jan-06/9:35 AM | Reply
"none to straddle worlds or shoulder skies."

is a great line.

"We break us like ice;"

is unclear; what do you mean by this?
[n/a] ecargo @ 172.159.125.225 > <~> | 16-Jan-06/5:23 PM | Reply
<waggles my fingers to z> Actually--a typo. It should be "we break like ice." You'd think I'd proof my own stuff, huh? ;-)
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