poemranker ::Green things by ecargo

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Free verse № 136913

Green things

Member since 2002 · Posted 13 Jan 2006 · Edited 15 Jan 2006 · 4 comments

In the end, we played at speech, words tumbling like the sea, foretelling storms and heaven cracked open. Some things we cannot make as new, we cannot mend. The older gods are dead-- none left to patch the chasms, or stop the sun along its downward slide; none to straddle worlds or shoulder skies. We have no incantations, no offerings against decline. We break us like ice; this chilly, jagged silence is our mortal end. New-fledged, I’ll rise to fly the shattered circle, find a new way, deep and wide, leaving you to build alone. You nest in leaves and break twigs for shelter. You shut out the sky with green things. You shut out the sky.

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mean 9.43 weighted 6.19 rank 996 views 264 View voting details →

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4 comments

[8] Dovina 16-Jan-06/6:24 AM Reply
I'd rather you did not delete the comments when you make a revision. If you make a major revision, like this one, it seems better to post it as a new poem.

Better than the first.
[n/a] ecargo › Dovina 16-Jan-06/5:21 PM Reply
Actually, I reverted to an earlier version. Hardly a major revision, by the way.

This has been kicking around in one form or another for ages, and I've never gotten it to a point that I liked. Probably past time to lay it to rest.
[n/a] <~> 16-Jan-06/9:35 AM Reply
"none to straddle worlds or shoulder skies."

is a great line.

"We break us like ice;"

is unclear; what do you mean by this?
[n/a] ecargo › <~> 16-Jan-06/5:23 PM Reply
<waggles my fingers to z> Actually--a typo. It should be "we break like ice." You'd think I'd proof my own stuff, huh? ;-)