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The Mushrooms' Song (Lyric) by zodiac
We waited. That mangy cat slouched past, turned circles on us - shat in the grass where we waited, rubbing hunched shoulders - were buried- folk, pod-monsters, kids on streetcorners. We were beyond caring, even then, having half forgotten why we still waited, who always waited a summer, a rainfall, a cat to turn it. Leaves rotten in a tree shadow, worth patience. But the cat - he made it almost to the treeline before the soil opened, irritably, and swallowed him whole.

Down the ladder: Beslan

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.428572
Weighted score: 6.191026
Overall Rank: 995
Posted: November 4, 2004 5:01 AM PST; Last modified: November 4, 2004 5:05 AM PST
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edpeterson

Comments:
[10] edpeterson @ 68.79.60.123 | 4-Nov-04/9:30 AM | Reply
I think the last line would work better in the absence of commas.

I also think this is great. Mushrooms, reared in so much shit and mulch, waiting and enduring, stoic almost.

Pod-monsters is a highlight
[9] IcHronit @ 168.28.203.194 | 4-Nov-04/2:37 PM | Reply
good write
[10] edpeterson @ 68.79.203.220 | 22-Feb-05/7:55 PM | Reply
Revisiting this, I have to say I think it is brilliant. That last stanza is quite surprising and reveals a lot..,the way the cat is sucked in, in a comparatively short instant...the mushrooms growing at a completetly negligible pace. And it feels so dank.

Anyway, I love it.
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