| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Angel (Free verse) by abecedarian a completely dark infinity
interrupted by a brilliant light
an angel with a face so pure and beautiful
that I could not see it
white glowing skin
and thin fragile limbs
impossibly strong as she grabbed my hand
and I followed
The darkness sensed a gap
the place where her glowing legs
could not meet
and prevent the darkness from entering
and violating
in fear she whirled to face me
wings streaming a circle behind her
and pulled me close
so that I could keep the darkness out
Up the ladder:
Beslan
Down the ladder:
Cancer Haikus
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Posted: August 6, 2003 1:32 PM PDT; Last modified: August 6, 2003 1:32 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.1907177 Overall Rank: 1000 Comments:
[6]
cleverdevice @ 81.131.0.159
|
6-Aug-03/1:45 PM
|
Reply
Bit vague, and lack of capital letters marks it down, some nice imagery though. -6-
Due to my condition. I must request you stop with this nonsense about cherubian intervention immediately.
Shardik, I do believe that zero was undeserved, if you reread, you will see that Abe C.'s narrator actually intervened on behalf of the alien angel.
s'okay mulberry, y'know... his condition and all
Sorry, no deal. Angels are ugly asexual insect aliens. And when darkness senses the gap? Is when I go to gap and Wynona ryder a horse faced potato bug.
Unfortunately, I got the same transparent alien/praying mantis impression of this angel.
I'm amazed at the strength of polarity here. Is your (mulberry and horus/s/..) distaste for angels purely the way I've presented angels, is it a reaction to their general overuse in unskilled 'poetry', or is it a defiance to their religious connection, or is it a genuine wierding?
It is definitely the way you've presented this angel, with her fragile limbs and her glowing skin, that is creepy. If I did a word association with "angel" I would probably say "fat baby", because some toilet paper commercial would come to mind.
What couldn't you see, the angel or the angel's face? "It" doesn't really work there, even if you are trying to keep the angel's gender a secret.
I thought that was a pretty cool way to say that you did her, the "dark" violating her, and you protecting her.
Angels have smootch crotches... like maniquins... although a good "lite" read... 7
The interesting thing about angels is that almost everyone has very strong feelings about them (good or bad or strange) regardless of religious interpretation. You appear to have an unbendable vision yourself of what they look like.
One of the things that intrigued me about this dream was to finally discover that my subconscious picture of an angel massively tied to my anima. I certainly would not something simultaneously pure and sexual a light read. But to be humble, my eyes and mind are better than my tongue.
Wierd, First that the poem right next to this is also entitled Angel, I wonder how often that kinda thing happens and second sex with an angel. I'm sorry I know there are lots of pictures of female angels and things but have you ever read about one in any religious doctrine? I haven't. Just wierd kiddo. Beautiful Imagery and well written in my opinion. Also wrong by those standards but whatever. -9-.
That's a good point bunnyman (bunnyman... bunnyman.. bunnyman)
I've never read of a female angel in the Bible certainly...
You have taken a startingly unoriginal theme and made a respectable effort to integrate some originality. 2nd line of S2 was good. 6
As a committed Christian, I found this piece to be rather lewd and distasteful.
As an angel you yourself, I am sure, are well aware of the delightfully distasteful repugnant lewdness associated with darkness.
Whoever said this angel was Christian anyway? They're mentioned 6,742 times in the Bible, but so is spandex and spandex certainly isn't Christian. Furthermore, read Doom'sbunny's comment further down 257 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
