poemranker ::thaw by JakeBike

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Free verse № 94855

thaw

by JakeBike

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 Mar 2004 · 3 comments

Walking past the ice-logged dam I catch that heady smell coming off the ledge: wet earth swollen with velevt flesh, a welling promise amidst all this mess, this melt. I lift my eyes to rounding mounds of exploding growth tumefying like bonsai'd mountains, forested dense. Green and sweet, it speaks to me of softness, so I press against its pile, flatten gently, test for spring.

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5909 views 190 View voting details →

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3 comments

[9] zodiac 24-Mar-04/6:07 AM Reply
-1 for welling, tumefying.
[n/a] <~> › zodiac 7-May-04/1:34 AM Reply
why? what have you against either word?

i particularly like tumefying because the sound of it suggests more than its meaning.
[9] Shuushin 25-Mar-04/10:38 AM Reply
Hello Mr. Bike.

I like the word usage (zodiac is on crack) - this has a mature feel to it.

I think a typo in "velevt" though - and prolly "coming off" could be made more, especially considering the language around it. Maybe that would be too much? Dunno - consider it, see what u come up with.