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thaw (Free verse) by JakeBike
Walking past the ice-logged dam I catch that heady smell coming off the ledge: wet earth swollen with velevt flesh, a welling promise amidst all this mess, this melt. I lift my eyes to rounding mounds of exploding growth tumefying like bonsai'd mountains, forested dense. Green and sweet, it speaks to me of softness, so I press against its pile, flatten gently, test for spring.

Down the ladder: Shades

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5908
Posted: March 23, 2004 9:27 PM PST; Last modified: March 23, 2004 9:27 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.201 | 24-Mar-04/6:07 AM | Reply
-1 for welling, tumefying.
[n/a] <~> @ 64.252.164.251 > zodiac | 7-May-04/1:34 AM | Reply
why? what have you against either word?

i particularly like tumefying because the sound of it suggests more than its meaning.
[9] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 | 25-Mar-04/10:38 AM | Reply
Hello Mr. Bike.

I like the word usage (zodiac is on crack) - this has a mature feel to it.

I think a typo in "velevt" though - and prolly "coming off" could be made more, especially considering the language around it. Maybe that would be too much? Dunno - consider it, see what u come up with.
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