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Litany (Ode) by zodiac Inspiration, wait for me -
I've smoked about a thousand of your cigarettes,
and drunk all our coffee and beer â and yet
when I've lain late by you in bed I've thought,
sometimes, you were slipping away from me.
So it's been: I've watched you grow heavy with old debts
and all of the things I haven't bought -
but wait and see,
patiently,
a while longer, weary watcher who frets,
who seldom tells her worries but whets
whatever there is of a blade in me.
My inspiration, stay for me -
just help me stay that inattentive place in me
which soon forgets;
and when I'm finished, when I've shown I've not
been wrong at this, then all I've got
is yours in return, and gratefully.
Up the ladder:
Spring Cleaning
Down the ladder:
My First Love Proposal
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6896553
Posted: May 20, 2004 10:02 PM PDT; Last modified: May 20, 2004 10:33 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.6854773 Overall Rank: 527 Comments:
[7]
thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 216.196.147.170
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22-May-04/12:01 AM
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Reply
touching... really...
That is really good. It expresses emotion very well. It makes me glad that I am not the only person in this world to feel that way.
yep I like this 2 lots of feeling? 9
nice one
the whole poem screams beat... it makes me wonder if your poetry is beat-influenced? anyway it just reminded me of that style and i think you should keep going with that!
Kill the first line in all 3 stanzas. Also do you have to mention the bed? Can't it just be 'lain next to you'?
oh forget it. Are you pulling my leg here?
I don't know!
Arr got you zodiac whats with all the yorkshire
bashing. you dont come from the best of places youself now do you? -2
I don't know. It just seemed like it would bug you.
How do you know where I come from?
I checked your website out - wow -your music is worse than your sad attempt at prose!My ears are still bleeding!Please spare us, become a forest ranger or something!
Yawn.
Did you write this?
"The war on terror is real and ugly! Islam understands and "eye for an eye", so maybe it is time that we impale the heads of some of those ragheads we have in custody and post them outside Baghdad City Hall! Tactical Nuclear Weapons...ring a bell?!? Ali-Fucking-Akbar! It is time we quit pussyfooting around in that shit hole and level it! As for those bad assed ragheads that cut Nick Berg's head off, a slow tortuous death awaits them...say, on the ant hill?? I think a lot of public humiliation followed by the most greusome, slow death imaginable would still be too good! TNW...Tactical Nuclear Weapons...don't forget that. This is a global war and we really need to begin kicking some serious ass!!" POSTED BY: DOUG (152.163.253.4) ON MAY 16, 2004 12:24 AM If yes, please spare us and walk off a cliff.
If I wrote that you have a twelve inch penis and have been cured of your intense case of frotteurism!
Besides if I was on this site in May at least the last four digits of "my" I P address would be different if not all,you silly mooncalf.
Don't be stupid. The above-posted quote wasn't on this site. Your poemranker IPs are all over similar idiotic rants on various uberconservative hate pages, including this comment by 'Doug' from Florida. And "if I was on this site in May at least the last four digits of 'my' I P address would be different if not all" is simply wrong. You should have pointed out that you've never punctuated as well as this Doug does.
O.K. Zoddy from Marion,N.C.?
I guess your right about the punctuation,but terribly wrong about my I P address and it being on uberconservative hate pages, so fuck you and your sad attempt at slander. Have a good night, Doug
Look buddy if all you're gonna do here is insult other people then you might as well leave. Poemranker is a site where people can share their poetry and have it critiqued by others but all you want to do is call people names and generally act like a mincing fuckwit. :-(
-0-
O.K. I'll stop if you just try to be a bit kinder to me and others.You are right though in the future I will refrain from insults (if at all possible),but you shuold'nt attack people and expect them to laugh at it everytime it happens.In parting I will inprove my manners,just don't attack me.I can take criticism
even harsh criticism,but not personal attacks. Thanks, Doug
Improve & should'nt - sorry:)
Zodiac,will u check out my poem "Navy Pier" and critique it for me?But please don't insult me.
Thanks, doug
you are writing these yourself aren't you jaime?i mean you and doug are one and the same...either that or you've really scared him (oh my)
by the way your music is, ummm, well, it's mediocre okay. mediocre being pain killer's word of the day.,..very eighties, very jm jarre very not very good at all
and this poem, it's not very good, it's very MEDOICRE really. it's very 3rd form morrissey...i mean, a thousand cigarettes! oh do come on! now there's an original image, an image that's never been conjured up before, smoked cigarettes, overflowing ashtrays, empty coffee cups...but then life is like that eh...a cliche
all comments can be redirected to williamzodiav@wobblehonk.com
pain killer me and zoddy are two very different people, believe me!And how would he scare me?By typeing something nasty(oh my).
I agree his music is.... well his music,but he has a definite knowledge of poetry.I just wanted his honest opinion without all the insults.He really is'nt a bad person once you sift through all the pretentious bullshit.
In all seriousness, what kind of music do you listen to, Doug?
And what didn't you like about the Raleigh song, which is the only one posted which I wrote and sang and am even halfway interested in? Was it the poor recording quality? My mediocre singing voice? The fact that I rhymed "Genevieve" with seemingly nothing? I'm mostly asking because I'm thinking of starting a semi-edgy adult-contemporary band called Superplain which you might find a lot more up your alley. I imagine writing a bunch of whiny ballads in the Counting Crows/Train/Matchbox 20 vein about all the things I've never done, dangerous self-destructive orphan women, and what a grey uninteresting place I live in and how I wish I could go back to some beautiful sunshiny place like L.A. They'll go something like: I never ever tried a crack, Or invented a human spider act, Or rode a freight-train, or ever once tried Man-man fellatio... She always drinks grape soda in her high heels! Says she was an extra once on Al-ly Mac-Beal! Walks down Sunset Strip dressed Kind of like a geisha... Like a geisha... Like a geisha... <WHINIER PART - WITH STRINGS!> 'Cause everyone in this place Is always thinking exactly the same thing as me, Even as I'm thinking it - Even right now, And now, And no-o-o-o-w!!!!!!!1!!11! <ETC ETC AD NAUSEAM>
Oh my god zodiac!Your music was'nt that bad, save the recording quality.I really did'nt even give it ten seconds, because it was made by you.After revisiting...could use a bit more soul,a bit more love,maybe a bit more honesty,but who am I?A failed poet,with no sense of taste or talent.
P.S. I like Counting Crows or I think I used to like them?
dear pot,
I always try to see if those who call the kettle black are also pots. You are a bit tenderhearted aren't you? meow and lick to you, cat
i love ur poem ...u deserve 10 .
very good poem..i love this poem
I like the ' patiently', but the rest of it doesn't do much for me. Sorry.
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