| Re: a comment on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT |
9-Jan-06/9:19 AM |
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log in and go to new members forum. post a little bit about yourself. namedrop. me and kaolin. see the most recent new member's post, whom i believe to be zodiac. ;)
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| Re: Cocoon by Caducus |
9-Jan-06/9:15 AM |
hi Cad,
this one feels like two poems, mostly because of the way you've rhymed the last 2 stanzas. I like the metaphors you use in the first half as well, but then you drop them when you go into love-mode. is there some way you can meld these disparate halves?
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| Re: a comment on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT |
9-Jan-06/8:38 AM |
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nope. i think it's a great idea, in fact.
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| Re: Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT |
9-Jan-06/8:01 AM |
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| Re: Aurora by Aetius |
16-Nov-05/10:52 AM |
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| Re: a comment on The cold shoulder by <~> |
27-Oct-05/8:50 AM |
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clusterfuck. heh. thanks for the laugh.
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| Re: when i make sculpture by ay deee |
26-Oct-05/10:20 AM |
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| Re: i hung that page to dry by FreeFormFixation |
26-Oct-05/10:19 AM |
the sounds in these first 5 stanzas are gorgeous!!
the last two stanzas don't pack the punch the first 5 do.
this is a weak simile:
til all they heard from me was silence
like a silent willow tree.
all in all, you weaken the poem when you resolve it. ood, that.
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| Re: Take Heart Mr. Drake, the Worst is Behind You by wilco |
26-Oct-05/10:06 AM |
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| Re: Send The Devil... by horus8 |
24-Oct-05/11:29 AM |
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it's good to read you again.
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| Re: Ruins by Caducus |
24-Oct-05/11:27 AM |
the ending is quite lyrical, cad, but somehow the rest falls short.
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| Re: Haven by cyan9 |
24-Oct-05/11:24 AM |
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i want to feel you from the inside.
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| Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac |
24-Oct-05/11:23 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Farm animals by INTRANSIT |
21-Oct-05/2:03 PM |
you pronounce it ~
the brackets are silent.
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| Re: Leg by jessicazee |
21-Oct-05/11:34 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac |
20-Oct-05/1:50 PM |
suggestion:
I want to tell you I fear
falling into religion--just for a scaffold
of proper nouns, greetings, expansive gestures;
to be as-one with these waiting women--pause,
glance knowingly at a departure lounge
ceiling loudspeaker, and hear.
does that mean what you're looking for?
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| Re: a comment on The nymph steals the farm-son by <~> |
19-Oct-05/10:40 AM |
november is cold, but decmber is colder still, is what i was going for. there are also the holidays to consider, although that analogy is very abstruse.
and yes, i am lathing into firewood. i wonder if my love is wasted on him.
thank you for the compliment.
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| Re: a comment on Farm animals by INTRANSIT |
19-Oct-05/8:03 AM |
we shall see.
he's been known to wax philosophical on occasion.
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| Re: a comment on Farm animals by INTRANSIT |
19-Oct-05/7:57 AM |
the chips, when split off from the whole, become new entites, as i read it. they're holographic; each piece contains the whole, a new whole, when separated from the mass consciousness.
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| Re: a comment on Marriage by Dovina |
19-Oct-05/7:36 AM |
are you married? if so, does he feel the same?
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