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Birmingham gardens (Prose Poem) by INTRANSIT It is good that I have come early while
spring is still serene. I know how outrageous
and demanding she can be. Listening, I hear Whitman running
through the tall trees like a small child playing
hide and seek with the birds and I can just barely
smell the death of fall. I'm still too quick to
pay a fountain for something it cannot give until
a hot summer day while I wait for the exchange
of stone to grass. At thirty-seven, I'm now aware
of the specific gravity of my footsteps on the
gravel path and I notice the veins running through
the bark of the trees and I look at the veins in
my arm. It's good to be like moss, the forgotten
undergrowth, or a fanning pinecone next to a
joking oak. Before I go, I take the time to watch
the Koi eagerly gulping in the sliced-tomato sun's
color as it warms us both.
Up the ladder:
"I know what you need!"
Down the ladder:
almost cognizant
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: April 16, 2005 3:28 PM PDT; Last modified: January 10, 2006 11:39 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.537883 Overall Rank: 2580 Comments:
[9]
jessicazee @ 152.163.100.135
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16-Apr-05/11:09 PM
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Reply
I think the first phrase should have a question mark, and I also want to hear real colors of the "brightly colored fish" at the end (i.e. fuschia? chartreuse?) but wholly I'm lovin' this. 9.4
I think "the death of fall" is misused - and didn't you just say it was spring? And didn't you skip a season? Also, "exchange" alone is better than "exchange rate" (which is too cute). And what's up with the end?
Does Birmingham AL. actually get a "winter"? i think not. I said it was EARLY. clean your glasses.
Perhaps I'm really stretching, but is the end a homage to that famous hemingway short about the guy going fishing where he adroitly captures the shellshocked emotions of a returning war vet by carefully never mentioning them -- or any other emotion, and giving every detail exactly the same note right up to the end? this pome has a bit of that feel for me.
Exchange rate doesn't work. The 'exchange rate' exists and is altering rather than coming on the scene (I wait for the exchange rate). The light rewards fishes because they are bright rather than because they cause no harm. Other than that good. Nice to see a block of text.
Lovely, I particularly liked the fountain and the exchange of stone to grass.
The Stock Exchange on weed...that would be something worth seeing
Isn't NASDAQ high enough?! lol!!!
I've often been mildly curious as to what NASDAQ means, but not nearly enough so that I bothered to find out. Ah, the power of acronyms.
Also, I feel a need to express my rage at the uselessness of this disk, upon whose digital memory I inscribed my latest masterpieces, and whose incompatibility with my computer was almost predictible enough to be amusing. Almost.
The -for now- and the -meanwhile- had to go.
Better.
Listening, Whitman => 'Whitman, listening,' stone to grass => stone for grass Oak => oak, suns => sun's This IS really nice. You're my vote for next poemranker richa, minus the temperment. I mean, you write great poems about small things.
PS-I didn't mean that you should add a comma after oak. I don't know where that came from.
Jesus. Or quotes around Whitman, listening. I'm a mess today. I wouldn't trust me, either.
'sokay pardno. I'm packing my bags to head out tomorrow. Gotta go pick up the truck from the repair shop when I get back tonight I'm going to raed all of yours that I haven't read yet. I'm trying to dress up some of my poems and get them ready to mail out for submission. (god I hate that word. lol) Any suggestions?
Yes. Two.
1) Get a recent poetry collection, like Poetry Daily's 366 poems or Billy Collins' anthology of American poems, Poetry 180. It should show a bunch of poems published in different books and journals in the last ten years, and what journals they were in. Also check Poetry Daily's website: www.poems.com . For one, you'll find that you're as good as half the poets there. For another, when you find a poem whose style, length, subject or anything looks like what you write, note the journal it got published in. 2) Get the 2005-6 edition of Poet's Market. It has all the submission details of the journals you just noted. Look especially for journals that accept simultaneous submissions. Pick your 5 best poems and submit them to all of those. You can, of course, try submitting a whole book or chapbook, either to a publisher (again, see Poet's Market) or to a reputable contest like New Century Writer Awards. I wouldn't trust 90% of the contests you'd find online, though. If you know a local contest (and one that won't end up owning your book, if chosen,) go for that. But I think submitting small batches of poems to journals is the best way to start, personally.
PS-The cutoff date for many college-based journals (ie, the majority) is early spring. Get crackin'.
Re. #1 The better half or the not-better half?
At that level, that's not such a big difference as it is here. But this was in Poetry Daily:
Nothing in That Drawer by Ron Padgett Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer. Nothing in that drawer.
If you ever get crazy enough to do Ice Road Trucking in Alaska you should stop off and say high to Zodiac for us.
It won't work in Juneau. We've only got about 40 miles of roads, most of them to nowhere. We're not connected by land to the Continent, Canada, or the rest of Alaska. If any of you are ever crazy to come by here, let me know and I'll put you up. You'll deserve it.
Ice roads don't go over land. That's why you've got to be a little crazy to drive them. Although I'm not sure Juneau has any. It might be a little too warm for it in the south of Alaska. Still a southerner even in Alaska Zodiac.
I like this, except for "joking oak". How many jokes could a joking oak joke if a joking oak could joke oak jokes?
ow Ow OW! OW!
this is a great poem, RIch.
here's a great tool to start to find markets for your work: http://www.duotrope.com/digest/index.asp
wow. that's a helluva tool! I was thinking about submitting it to Birmingham poetry review. no kidding. would that be redundant and too expectational?
nope. i think it's a great idea, in fact.
"with one prick I could bleed you down or scrawl on a bathroom wall...". sure. I'll give it a go. Directions please.
That is amazing.
Ok. I'm registered but inactive. I have my key. Where do I go to use it?
log in and go to new members forum. post a little bit about yourself. namedrop. me and kaolin. see the most recent new member's post, whom i believe to be zodiac. ;)
I guess it's too late to pretend to be Xander Vanderoest.
yeah, that kid's not getting in no matter what. big ups for the buffy-esque name, though.
2nd to last line- sun's
These are excellent. It IS good to be like moss. Are you still in transit? How do you find time to write so much? Do you drive around with a phrase in your head all day until you get to take a break, then scramble to get it on paper?
Something like that. i'm home now, out tomorrow :(
where is your home? you run up and down the east coast, right?
Wierdsconsin. Kenosha to be spec. I used to do a great deal of east coast work but they've beefed up the force so I run the midwest area now. Less stress as a driver but the eastern seaboard is a poetry mecca.
Quite great, mostly; I could do without "playing" and a few other doubly described words that keep this less poetic while staying poignant - a personal preference only.
Any last crits? It's gong in the mail today. Thanks guys!
Very nice. I've been to the Birmingham Botanical Gardens many times. I had to walk down that gravel path barefoot once -- long story. And I've always wanted to fish in the Japanese Pond.
Late to the party (as always--just ask <~>, and I brought nasty cookies too). Some nice details here--really like "the specific gravity of my footsteps"; "to be like moss"; "fanning pinecones." Going to join the "joking oak" naysayers though (for what it's worth). Nice work--good luck with the submission.
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