urge purged

Member since 2004 · Posted 22 Mar 2004 · Edited 22 Mar 2004 · 2 comments

I am your smiling source of envy polished teeth and all a metal bite on your exposed neck the taste of bitterness so sweet I am your snarling source of grief try as you might not a cell to spare in your haste to bemuse the murderous spirit screams in jealous shoes swallowing pride one morsel at a time I am your crying insides your burning need to impress your uncomfortable hands when you feel their eyes yes judging always judging I am your blood cloud through the plastic window of a rusty spike because you finally gave in alone I feed today you died

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2 comments

[8] Shuushin 22-Mar-04/7:29 PM Reply

I don't "get" the last stanza, but I like the rest quite a bit. I hangs just on that edge of tongue-in-cheek. works for me.

[8] richa 23-Mar-04/7:24 AM Reply

Like the flow and sounds.

Too many abstracts stated without showing the reader what you mean, jealousy, bitterness, envy, grief etc.

Also 'in jealous shoes' sounds very forced.