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urge purged (Free verse) by caffrey
I am your smiling source of envy polished teeth and all a metal bite on your exposed neck the taste of bitterness so sweet I am your snarling source of grief try as you might not a cell to spare in your haste to bemuse the murderous spirit screams in jealous shoes swallowing pride one morsel at a time I am your crying insides your burning need to impress your uncomfortable hands when you feel their eyes yes judging always judging I am your blood cloud through the plastic window of a rusty spike because you finally gave in alone I feed today you died

Up the ladder: Everyone
Down the ladder: JJ’s Church

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.537883
Overall Rank: 2611
Posted: March 22, 2004 4:35 PM PST; Last modified: March 22, 2004 5:18 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 22-Mar-04/7:29 PM | Reply
I don't "get" the last stanza, but I like the rest quite a bit. I hangs just on that edge of tongue-in-cheek. works for me.
[8] richa @ 81.178.216.23 | 23-Mar-04/7:24 AM | Reply
Like the flow and sounds.

Too many abstracts stated without showing the reader what you mean, jealousy, bitterness, envy, grief etc.

Also 'in jealous shoes' sounds very forced.
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