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Haven (Free verse) by cyan9 While silver fruit rots on trees
Forage the dry earth, now breath.
Shadows coil, twist and yearn,
Cogs burr and bats stir in the eaves.
Piercing eyes stare from cracks
Splits in beams holes in the shack,
Voyeurs of the dead machines,
Voyeurs in a shed unseen.
Hurt dwindled like little burns, little scars,
An eye for machinery, an eye fixated upon the stars,
Silver by nature, silver by nurture,
Silver in the head silver once dead.
Clamps and forceps, medical vices held by
Wires writhing beneath the leaves,
Bonding with smoke like solder,
A cloud of love for autumn's disease,
A cloud of love for autumn's beauty.
Up the ladder:
May 10, 2004
Down the ladder:
Vain Moment
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Posted: October 24, 2005 6:04 AM PDT; Last modified: October 24, 2005 6:04 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.089402 Overall Rank: 6290 Comments:
i want to feel you from the inside.
Its not an everyday request, but go on....
201 view(s)
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You're saying to yourself, "What's he talking about?" Of course you are.
Let me show you.
cyan9, If you are going to leave poems like this, please save your energy,(. It) it shows quite a degree of disregard and emotional underdevelopement to see it (your poetry) as a dictionary of words rather than to view and experience the sensations of the scene unfolding. As for being formatted by a post-prime Billy Corgan, this means it's (your poem's) of no value or use, and looks like you are trying to sound more intelligent than you are. I appreciate the fact that you are giving by posting your poems (which is one better than most people) but please have a think about what you are giving. This poem has served no use to me, and has caused very mild offense,(.) what was the point?
Don't worry cyan9. You'll still win the argument because like Jason Voorhees you just won't stop hacking away and die already.
>> I am afraid you are incorrecton this matter, unlike in your closing sentance; I am saying "Surely this underdeveloped and immature poetry snob again". I don't know how old you are, but you really need to mature a few years before engaging with people again. I see that origionality has also fled you, and that you suffer from the same problem as zodiac, you cannot see past the words to the picture that the author is painting for you, whether that be emotional, image based, intellectual... wake up.
Nope, didn't think so.
You officially have no leg to stand on.
This argument is invalid and is a form of submission. You have fielded your uncertainty in yourself by not stating your degree. You have fielded your uncertainty in yourself by not fielding an argument; instead you have tried to force people to believe that your un-stated arguments are more valid, by trying to imply that you have an accolade that you may or may not have received. I have two problems with this:
(i) There is no way of verifying your degree status on the internet; and thus it must be considered invalid. The validity must come from mutual acceptance of the argument.
(ii) By putting yourself at a point at which you believe that your opinions are more valid, since you have a degree, you show that you do not question your own validity in this area, and thus are less credible than a person who does.
I would also query the suggestion that having a degree in an area conventionally considered creative may lead to enhanced appreciation of creativity, especially from what I have seen of so called Doctors in these fields. I would state that from my own personal experience, creativity and its appreciation comes from a combination of self-expansion, pro-activity within ones mind, and humility; most certainly not from time spent in the classroom following curriculum alone. Those that field this kind of argument are revealing that they have placed themselves higher than everyone else, without nothing of substance beneath them, in order to hold them, or break their fall.
(ii) Saying "You should listen to me on X because I have a degree in X" is bound to only get you swirlied in any crowd.
You'd have to be a fool, do you still do either graphic design or illustration? If so do you have a website?
If I told you my name was John Updike would that make a difference.
Sure, you'd say more like Up Johnsdick.
(something a wise man once said)^
As far as the Updike business goes, don't even try it. It is unverifiable over the internet for starters, and secondly you stated that you were 32 years old, John Updike the writer was born in 1932; unless you are clumsey with your keys, or just plain forgetful, I would be inclined to think otherwise.
Maybe you're right though and maybe you have ESP.
I do still apologize for butting in. Yes there are some very cruel people here but you'll find they tend to be easy to spot. For an example: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
Take it with a grain of salt and a sense of humor. You won't have to tell them they're asses, everyone already knows they are.
Use the eye for an eye approach and make sure it's a zinger with no mistakes. I can see you're already getting much better at that. If you give away your anger (name calling is like a big flashing you're getting to me sign) then they'll pounce on you like wolves. I try to the best of my ability to go by these rules but yes everyone cracks every once in a while so be tough, careful and try to take the highest road. There are definately more people here who are quite kind (but we all have our mean days) than bullies.
Dovina's another nice one. I'm sure you'll grow to love her soon, as we all have.
I've never thought anyone referencing Billy Corgan was trying to be intelligent, much less that he was intelligent.
The point, I'm genuinely sorry to say, was almost entirely my own amusement, but you should have gotten a picture of going a little too far in the direction of ambiguity, goth, and grammarlessness.
Goth/Dark is where I have come from, and am leaving since it no longer reflects my emotions most of the time (and is also somewhat childish). And grammerlessness (deliberate), well that is a bit of a fault, so suggestions rather than complaints would be welcome.