Replying to a comment on:

Haven (Free verse) by cyan9

While silver fruit rots on trees Forage the dry earth, now breath. Shadows coil, twist and yearn, Cogs burr and bats stir in the eaves. Piercing eyes stare from cracks Splits in beams holes in the shack, Voyeurs of the dead machines, Voyeurs in a shed unseen. Hurt dwindled like little burns, little scars, An eye for machinery, an eye fixated upon the stars, Silver by nature, silver by nurture, Silver in the head silver once dead. Clamps and forceps, medical vices held by Wires writhing beneath the leaves, Bonding with smoke like solder, A cloud of love for autumn's disease, A cloud of love for autumn's beauty.

ALChemy 16-Nov-05/10:57 AM
You pretty much explained his comment without even knowing it.

You're saying to yourself, "What's he talking about?" Of course you are.

Let me show you.

cyan9, If you are going to leave poems like this, please save your energy,(. It) it shows quite a degree of disregard and emotional underdevelopement to see it (your poetry) as a dictionary of words rather than to view and experience the sensations of the scene unfolding. As for being formatted by a post-prime Billy Corgan, this means it's (your poem's) of no value or use, and looks like you are trying to sound more intelligent than you are. I appreciate the fact that you are giving by posting your poems (which is one better than most people) but please have a think about what you are giving. This poem has served no use to me, and has caused very mild offense,(.) what was the point?

Don't worry cyan9. You'll still win the argument because like Jason Voorhees you just won't stop hacking away and die already.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001