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Coyote Sunsets

Member since 2006 · Posted 31 Aug 2006 · 4 comments

Shallow wombs rest below a rusting ridge A cavern of stale musk and scattered bones The sky reflects the wound of the setting sun Dusk hushes the voices a of a hot afternoon Beige scatterings of broken backbones and fallen mountains The sky bleeds into the canyon But this blood reveals no pain nor distress An artist, its paints the landscapes and then moves on The tumble weeds the Buddahs complete in their wandering The desert rains if but only once in a while Make Joshua trees sweat and roots descend Night falls spilling its sack of pearls Mischievous coyote sunsets.

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4 comments

[8] Ranger 31-Aug-06/10:00 PM Reply

Couple of minor points - there are a few too many articles in here for me, if you can get rid of 'the' in a couple of places it would work better (I think). Also needs a little more punctuation in places ('The tumble weeds the Buddhas complete in their wandering'). Nitpicking aside, super description here and some nicely fresh phrases ('broken backbones', 'spilling its sack of pearls'). Mightily enjoyable :-)

[n/a] DamienDen › Ranger 31-Aug-06/10:37 PM Reply

Cool! Thanks for the input! :)

[8] Niphredil 5-Sep-06/1:28 AM Reply

First of all, I love the last line. Love it!
~
I would correct, if I were you, the third stanza. It's not really gramatically correct, and the lines seem detached from one another. I don't really care for the Buddha reference - it conjures up images of a place and time completely unrelated to the canyon bluffs you're describing. Plus although the "night" line is good, it doesn't seem to fit in with the following coyote sunset - after all, night has already fallen, why bother talking about the sunset?

You've got some terrific imagery here, though. Almost every line has something to appreciate; I really enjoyed your poem. keep writing!

[7] nypoet22 8-Sep-06/3:21 PM Reply

some beautiful images, some careless errors. shallow wombs and the first two lines are priceless. very strong ending too. bleeding sky image a bit heavyhanded. "a of a" in the 4th line. Buddhas misspelled in the 9th.