poemranker ::Ruins by Caducus

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Free verse № 116957

Ruins

Member since 2002 · Posted 21 Dec 2004 · Edited 24 Oct 2005 · 7 comments

Night fell in Rome as we once did. I have returned to what never left me, As a ruin amongst ruins a statue by statues once magnificent sculptured by architects crafted lovingly to be destroyed then admired, by Lovers in the Emperors new shoes. I remembered her last words. Watched lovers mow scarlet, and became invisible to them blanched against a colonnade which held nothing but achromatic skies and me until sunrise. This is my requiem for you my love. The promise fulfilled, you rise across the Tiber taking my prayers with you on pastures where you answered them seven years ago in Rome, Oh my love - we are home.

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7764 views 297 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

7 comments

[7] Lifeboatman 21-Dec-04/4:44 AM Reply
Intelligent.. 7
[n/a] Caducus 24-Oct-05/3:26 AM Reply
I dont know about htis one it was written a year ago, you lot decide.
[6] zodiac 24-Oct-05/4:11 AM Reply
Why sculptured instead of sculpted? As it is you have 'a statue sculptured', a verb which I can only imagine means 'made like a statue'. In other words, making sculpted 'sculptured' adds no meaning at all and eliminates an easy chance to add meaning.

On a constructive note, I think it would be helpful for you to add actual, modern details about Rome. Seriously.
[n/a] ALChemy › zodiac 25-Oct-05/7:32 AM Reply
Unless he's refering to himself being sculptured by the architects but that's quite a stretch. At least help us out with an "I'm" at the begining Caducus.
[7] <~> 24-Oct-05/11:27 AM Reply
the ending is quite lyrical, cad, but somehow the rest falls short.
[7] wilco 24-Oct-05/8:10 PM Reply
Not the best I've seen from you..
[n/a] ALChemy 25-Oct-05/7:36 AM Reply
Put "I'm" at the beginning of "sculptured by architects". You've got punctuation problems in the first stanza.
Some nice sentiment though.