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Ruins (Free verse) by Caducus
Night fell in Rome as we once did. I have returned to what never left me, As a ruin amongst ruins a statue by statues once magnificent sculptured by architects crafted lovingly to be destroyed then admired, by Lovers in the Emperors new shoes. I remembered her last words. Watched lovers mow scarlet, and became invisible to them blanched against a colonnade which held nothing but achromatic skies and me until sunrise. This is my requiem for you my love. The promise fulfilled, you rise across the Tiber taking my prayers with you on pastures where you answered them seven years ago in Rome, Oh my love - we are home.

Up the ladder: after dinner
Down the ladder: scented

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7814
Posted: December 21, 2004 1:20 AM PST; Last modified: October 24, 2005 3:24 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Lifeboatman @ 203.104.94.2 | 21-Dec-04/4:44 AM | Reply
Intelligent.. 7
[n/a] Caducus @ 172.201.235.165 | 24-Oct-05/3:26 AM | Reply
I dont know about htis one it was written a year ago, you lot decide.
[6] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 | 24-Oct-05/4:11 AM | Reply
Why sculptured instead of sculpted? As it is you have 'a statue sculptured', a verb which I can only imagine means 'made like a statue'. In other words, making sculpted 'sculptured' adds no meaning at all and eliminates an easy chance to add meaning.

On a constructive note, I think it would be helpful for you to add actual, modern details about Rome. Seriously.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 25-Oct-05/7:32 AM | Reply
Unless he's refering to himself being sculptured by the architects but that's quite a stretch. At least help us out with an "I'm" at the begining Caducus.
[7] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 24-Oct-05/11:27 AM | Reply
the ending is quite lyrical, cad, but somehow the rest falls short.
[7] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 24-Oct-05/8:10 PM | Reply
Not the best I've seen from you..
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 25-Oct-05/7:36 AM | Reply
Put "I'm" at the beginning of "sculptured by architects". You've got punctuation problems in the first stanza.
Some nice sentiment though.
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