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The End (Free verse) by Caducus My author of ten nibs
wrote biographies on me
then read in my eyes
the prologue of our love.
When God wrote her ending
each time I cried
I became unreadable,
a tragedy of blank pages.
I have to end to continue
all she left me was chapters,
and I will remain closed
waiting for my end of days.
Sunset falls like 'Seppuku',
spewing its end
from its swords of light
as nights mackintosh waits
Like a reaper I had prayed for
But lived because I promised her.
If only I were closed
If only I were Sunset
I could fall skywards
Into your arms
Where I could set spectacular
And in my eyes you'd see
'The End'
Up the ladder:
Cold-Blooded Pillow
Down the ladder:
Dolphins Of Dorset
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Posted: October 13, 2005 9:34 AM PDT; Last modified: October 15, 2005 4:58 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.976287 Overall Rank: 8285 Comments:
[n/a]
Caducus @ 172.202.128.95
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13-Oct-05/9:35 AM
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Reply
need to know last line of s4 - is it needed do you thibnk?
i don't think it is. the fact that you are wishing in the next stanza implies that you are living, and i don't think you need to make the promise to.
nice job, cad.
First two lines don't make sense to me (Please explain) and you carry the metaphor for 3 verses and then abandon it for something completely different.
Should you lose the last line of S4? -Yes and also all of S4 and S5. Save most of S4 though for another poem. There's some good stuff in it. When every line in the first 3 stanzas are the same metaphor your kinda stuck with it and you got to stay with it. Did you mean "Seppuku"? Some real good lines in it though.
Glad too.
The author of ten nibs are her fingers stroking me through making love. Writing/Carving a memory which scarred. This poem is a typical example of locking the door while you write so you are not interrupted. Flawed because of it but thanks for the negs and positve comments -one i wil have to revisit.
Q: Did you know that "The End" is infamously the name of the Doors' awful Apocalypse Now theme-song?
Christ, maybe I AM old. Or educated.
Q: You were smoking a joint when you wrote this weren't you?
Actually that sounds like a good idea. 267 view(s)
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