| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Lost and Found (Prose Poem) by annadoc I'm lost and I'm found
Differences abound;
I'm weak and I'm strong
to be a part, oh "to belong"
I'm short and I'm tall
will the last facade fall?
I'm light and I'm dark
the contrast is stark;
I'm joy and I'm pain
what is to be our gain?
I sink and I swim
pour the glass of gin;
I lose and I win
can't we all be put in?
I'm lost and I'm found ...
I'm losing ground
I'm cruel, but I'm kind
I want peace of mind.
Up the ladder:
Daddy works at the Bank
Down the ladder:
Nothing Comes Better
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Posted: April 17, 2006 3:57 PM PDT; Last modified: April 20, 2006 5:47 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.976287 Overall Rank: 8238 Comments:
you say in the end lets turn it around but i dont get it as through out the piece you are both negative and positive sides on each line so what needs to be turned around? it seems a very confused piece.
I made some slight edits, but don't know if improved (or lessened). The piece is contradictory & confused - as the opposites trying to show we are both things, accept us as that, can we still feel inclusion (even though we are so different)-unsure if I communicated that sufficiently.
188 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
I'm not sure about there being so many questions in this, to be honest, and the couplet rhythm is very abrupt. Still, there are some good ideas in it.
"...I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby"
I must admit that the stark and cliched comparisons ("I sink and I swim", for instance, or "I'm short and I'm tall") don't seem to convey any particular meaning to me. If you were to use two words in each comparison that are not exact opposites, yet convey a subtler contrast, I feel the poem would make for a more interesting read.
N. - I have a story on the way for you, I'll see if I can get it done in time to send to you later today.