Poemranker [Poem: Lost and Found] [by annadoc] Fri May 03 03:45:29 PDT 2024

I'm lost and I'm found Differences abound; I'm weak and I'm strong to be a part, oh "to belong" I'm short and I'm tall will the last facade fall? I'm light and I'm dark the contrast is stark; I'm joy and I'm pain what is to be our gain? I sink and I swim pour the glass of gin; I lose and I win can't we all be put in? I'm lost and I'm found ... I'm losing ground I'm cruel, but I'm kind I want peace of mind.

[n/a] Ranger @ 81.158.79.113 | 18-Apr-06/1:37 AM | Reply

The opposites made me think of that Meredith Brooks song, 'Bitch' ('I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed...').
I'm not sure about there being so many questions in this, to be honest, and the couplet rhythm is very abrupt. Still, there are some good ideas in it.

[n/a] Niphredil @ 132.68.1.29 > Ranger | 25-Apr-06/4:00 AM | Reply

And I was reminded of Alanis Morissette's 'Hand in My Pocket':
"...I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby"

I must admit that the stark and cliched comparisons ("I sink and I swim", for instance, or "I'm short and I'm tall") don't seem to convey any particular meaning to me. If you were to use two words in each comparison that are not exact opposites, yet convey a subtler contrast, I feel the poem would make for a more interesting read.

[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > Niphredil | 25-Apr-06/6:21 AM | Reply

Good call. I was wondering what to listen to next, choice made. I agree with the toning down of opposites in here; in my eyes this wants to be rewritten with a more flexible rhythm.

N. - I have a story on the way for you, I'll see if I can get it done in time to send to you later today.

[4] pollywolly @ 80.192.49.144 | 18-Apr-06/4:12 AM | Reply

you say in the end lets turn it around but i dont get it as through out the piece you are both negative and positive sides on each line so what needs to be turned around? it seems a very confused piece.

[n/a] annadoc @ 161.7.2.160 > pollywolly | 20-Apr-06/5:34 PM | Reply

I made some slight edits, but don't know if improved (or lessened). The piece is contradictory & confused - as the opposites trying to show we are both things, accept us as that, can we still feel inclusion (even though we are so different)-unsure if I communicated that sufficiently.