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Dolphins Of Dorset (Free verse) by Caducus
I loosened his Windsor knot And stared at his scars from the crow All dressed up, and for what? But we ‘Owen’s’ always did put on a bloody good show. He spent his whole life searching for God And they’ve removed his glasses, So he’ll spend eternity lost Wounded by the blades of Eden’s glades Waiting for a wind that passes. All I had was a memory Dad always said it’s a true friend But at times like this it’s an enemy For my new start is our end. But I remembered as a child being covered in blackthorns when I played, and you ran to the thicket to my aid. I was bleeding and you told me to watch the Dolphins in the Bay, There were no Dolphins in Dorset, But as you removed the thorns with tender lips The curiosity made me look away. He stemmed the blood, And on his shoulders I was a Giant. He WAS my childhood and everything he ever told us Speaks to me still Though he is silent. These are unsure times And grief only doubles when you force it. But maybe in warmer climes You’ll remove my thorns as I look to the bay, I will see Dolphins in Dorset, And Dad I will not look away.

Up the ladder: 3rd Spartan Row
Down the ladder: Cólera

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.976287
Overall Rank: 8220
Posted: December 8, 2003 3:41 PM PST; Last modified: April 18, 2006 1:29 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] grumpycrafter @ 141.158.84.92 | 8-Dec-03/4:55 PM | Reply
Expressive poem. I could see the blackthorn thickets and your father removing the thorns. I really loved it.
[9] scitz @ 195.92.168.166 | 8-Dec-03/11:00 PM | Reply
sweet bro, real sweet
[10] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 | 10-Dec-03/4:16 PM | Reply
"I will look on to the new day that dawns
And bless the rose that weeps dried blood
As its overcome by blackthorns." drop this because you told us already, and we know this, and then my friend, you will have yet again, a perfect piece. Congratulations. Make a note of it, for a future edit, if you want to keep your current scores. Here's a 10. I have some great dad stories too. But now I'm a dad, and I have no father. I never really did to begin with, but we were great friends at one point in time. Then it all ended.
[9] dragonfly @ 65.234.193.223 > horus8 | 11-Dec-03/1:20 PM | Reply
I noticed that as well. The poem reads beautifully up to this point. The line "And Dad I will not look away" is a great way to end it.
[10] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.116.54 > dragonfly | 11-Dec-03/2:46 PM | Reply
That's because I'm a trained professional, and I have a spatula to proof it
[n/a] Caducus @ 195.92.168.163 > dragonfly | 11-Dec-03/3:08 PM | Reply
Agreed !
[n/a] Caducus @ 195.92.168.163 > horus8 | 11-Dec-03/3:08 PM | Reply
THanks JH, I was gonna end it originally there but went too far. I have taken your advice - thankx
[n/a] A. Nomaly @ 205.184.203.74 | 11-Dec-03/1:22 PM | Reply
I like all your new stuff! KC
[9] richa @ 81.178.243.83 | 11-Dec-03/3:04 PM | Reply
like the idea dolphins of dorset (there are no dolphins in dorset) it sounds kind of folklore, gives a nice gentle feel.

Like the snappy wisdom (almost beatish) of searching for god, and memory is a friend.

One quibble, the final verse 'my thorns'. Seems detached from the earlier metaphor. Needs to follow through the image of cutting yourself on the thorns.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 12-Dec-03/9:40 PM | Reply
btw - I like this. Has an unforced flow to it.
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