Re: Too obvious by INTRANSIT	29-Jul-03/11:32 PM
get ride of plight it looks forced other than that a fun poem
Re: Broken Hearted by thepinkbunnyofdooom	29-Jul-03/9:25 AM
So you are not the real PBOD, PBOD is just a kind of puppet you use. A gay puppet, you are not gay the puppet is. Right I think I get it now.
Re: Gods Musician: Grave Digger by SupremeDreamer	29-Jul-03/9:23 AM
some nice lines, a bit schizophrenic skipping from one line to the next without reference to any central theme. the simple rhyming is not really needed the structure is good as it is
Re: Octopussed by <{Baba^Yaga}>	29-Jul-03/9:18 AM
smart, well sewn
Re: After seven days in the sun by <~>	29-Jul-03/9:13 AM
very skillful to manage a vilanelle with the lines 'Nathalie, riding, found the boy, dead' and 'The coyote, startled, had run on ahead.'
Re: Infection by nocturnalism	29-Jul-03/9:11 AM
I like the first three lines, kind of nonsense poem come dialect poem. the fourth line upsets the rhythm though. Nice to see a heavy metal fan not use politicised and loaded terms and build something out of simple language
Re: A Simple Emote. by thepinkbunnyofdoom	29-Jul-03/9:08 AM
Nice but does the poem have a purpose/ a meaning
Re: Despair by marjan	29-Jul-03/9:06 AM
Kind of like the set out. You do it create pauses as the reader scans the page right? I'm with katie when I say I can not really connect with the poem. I prefer more simple language to draw you in. A very pretty poem, not sure where the logic is though
Re: Some die waiting, or laugh forgetting by Shardik	29-Jul-03/9:03 AM
'Six years passed by, and so did my fever' is such a good line but it does not fit, shame. the ever/forever/whereever rhymes shouldn't really work. But this poem reads so well
Re: Long Journey by libby_28	29-Jul-03/8:58 AM
a bit prosaic and cliched. 'Blood on the pavement my mind elsewhere' I like though distant and irreverent
Re: How it should have happened by INTRANSIT	29-Jul-03/8:56 AM
Lots of good lines here, in fact there isn't a line that deviates from the mature style. Unfortunately I think the poem lacks a logic running through it. If there is a logic and at the end you can reveal it, it would make a very good poem I'll give you an -8- because there is a lot to recommend this
Re: Us by sk8rs_rule_all	28-Jul-03/12:36 PM
not a haiku, last line was funny though
Re: The Frey by Southern_Bell	24-Jul-03/11:42 PM
quite sweet, I like the flow some of the rhymes seem a bit forced though
Re: Read this by Southern_Bell	24-Jul-03/11:40 PM
If you are going to use the same rhyme sound for every line you should probably not repeat words night and sight. The words are a bit simple too. Check out 'I am the gayest' i think by Dark angel for an example of this form (in best list)
Re: A Fine Day To Exit by OnTheOtherHand	24-Jul-03/11:58 AM
I like 'apathy beats suicide/doesn't make it brave' not sure I agree with ' no point in dying/if you won't be missed' though
Re: Tomorrow by jude	23-Jul-03/12:43 PM
part and heart / fade and remain are always rhymed together. There is nothing remotely new here. the way the poem swings at the end with altered rhyme is quite nice though
Re: a comment on education by richa	23-Jul-03/10:37 AM
usually I have a story in mind keeping it invisible and building up images around it. This one is about a girl who had left home. With little preparation she set out for the highlands. She was found dead with a note asking for food if anyone found her. The relevant dates bit refers to how following her death the inquest attempted to fill in the details of what little we know of her
Re: Middleman by INTRANSIT	22-Jul-03/3:25 PM
1) no need to repeat tells stories of twice 2) keep the line running through about dirty feet 3) and the line about fields of sage and hips 4) the rest could be altered if you find a decent image or word sequence
Re: A Delicate Poem by EAger to Offend	22-Jul-03/10:53 AM
quite good, but poems about poems signal a lack of inspiration
Re: A Dream, A Bad One by jessicazee	22-Jul-03/8:16 AM
Not very poetic and a bit list like. Having said that this is not bad, afew surprises like 'cinnamon and lemons'