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The Frey (Other) by Southern_Bell Night gently falls
Upon the fortress walls
As the wind
Wispers ... night descends
I sit watching
As the creature comes lurking
I'm not prey
For I'm the master of that frey
I only comand
This creature from the distant land
The creature purrs
And is covered in black, sable fur
The powerful muscles
Riple and are as big as trussels
Sleek and silent
The creature moves, catching your sent
With unnatural grace
It pounces and you meet face to face
A soft gasp
Comes forth as you feel It's grasp
Oh what delight
As your new love takes flight
For It is
Your panther and no more can be said.
Up the ladder:
An enchillada called revenge!
Down the ladder:
When He's In Me
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: July 24, 2003 11:36 PM PDT; Last modified: July 24, 2003 11:36 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2689414 Overall Rank: 3815 Comments:
A blow gun on killing monkeys for soup.
It is hard for us old folks' eyes to focus when we have to keep scrolling down because the lines are so far apart. Maybe a one line space between would do.
the line spacing here is awkward. run spell check. if you're going to use a made-up word, justify it, dammit!
POEMS DON'T NEED TO RHYME!!! other than that, good try!
The double line spaces add massively to the piece, drumming up suspence ... an enjoyable piece. The trussels line is a bit odd though, Im not even sure what they are, but they dont seem to quite blend in with this dark romancing poem.
Frey is a disgraced memoirist. You mean fray.
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some of the rhymes seem a bit forced though