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When He's In Me (Free verse) by J.B. Manning He walks with me
His voice
Angelic and sweet
Primal he breathes
Through slightly clenched teeth
Wanting me
Taunting me
Slowly raising up the heat
In me
I accept
This open invitation
Offer up
My own interpretation
Of spiritual bliss
Slight bite with my kiss
My chest pressed
To his
Pain
Sparks
In my mind
Slightly
Stimulates
And separates
Us from them
Bite me
Harder
Just below my ear
Heart beat
Quickened breath
I love being queer
The power of he
When heâs next to me
like metal and steal
Of some
Sweet machine
Crotch rocket
Or jet plane
Adrenaline pumping
Through every vein
And sweat so sweet
That sour seems
Discreet
And poison is but
Wine
Made right
With time
Up the ladder:
The Frey
Down the ladder:
Light within darkness
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: August 21, 2003 3:31 PM PDT; Last modified: September 2, 2003 3:45 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2689414 Overall Rank: 3816 Comments:
nice build-up. i especially like "sweat so sweet that sour seems discreet".
typo: steel, not steal, right? also: "Pain Sparks In my mind Lightly slightly Stimulates And separates Us from them" who is us and who is them? gay/straight? something else? maybe it doesn't need to be explained, because this is about the heat, and i'm not wearing my inflammable cat suit tonight. oh well.
Us = passionate, lovers, true love, real passion
Them = those who want it, wish they had it, fake it
sweat so sweet that sour seems discreet... yum
(a 7 for finding your way into my closet) 'I love being queer' leaks momentum, however. We can tell you like it without you telling us. For some reason I'm not fond of the invitation/interpretation bit as well.
hmm, interesting point on the love being queer part. I think I'll keep it though. It's more of an exclamation to myself. The invitation/interpretation part is not to your liking? Hmm, that's my favorite part. Oh well. Thanks for the 7.
Normally, homosexual poetry doesn't do me right, but I read this poem while listening to Ginsberg sing C'mon jack, and let me tell you? I laughed more than once. here's an eight.
You like making strange bedfellows, don't you.
Do you mean me? I don't make "Strange" bed fellows. My boyfriend is by far one of the least, "Strange" people I have ever met.
nice revised edition. 9.
love the poem!
btw, this comes from a person who normally would find the topic a little daunting
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Not a bad erotic write.. but i think you could revise this to a much better output.. up to you anyway.
blessed with 8.