DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Infection

Member since 2002 · Posted 28 Jul 2003 · 4 comments

Once upone a poon The yeasty beastys grewn Baking bread was her delight While customers came for fresh loaves in the night No shower Leaves a taste of Sweet anâ sour A douche all problems fixed Until the next ride infectionix

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mean 4.14 weighted 4.77 rank 11379 views 156 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

4 comments

[6] <{Baba^Yaga}> 28-Jul-03/11:54 PM Reply

The reason why god gave men the hunter's nose.

[5] SupremeDreamer 29-Jul-03/1:54 AM Reply

cmon..i got the idea but you could of had more imagination with the presentation, it left me with a sensation of emptiness..5.

[5] SupremeDreamer 29-Jul-03/2:01 AM Reply

Once apon a midnight moon
came a baker
a night walker
salt shaker, wavin her cheeks
hasnt showered in two weeks

I watched my friend pay
30 bucks thrown away
he pressed his lips
against her vertical smile
he ended up in a pool of bile
puking sour dough

There.. not the best rewrite, but i think it tops your piece nevertheless. ;)

[7] richa 29-Jul-03/9:11 AM Reply

I like the first three lines, kind of nonsense poem come dialect poem.

the fourth line upsets the rhythm though.

Nice to see a heavy metal fan not use politicised and loaded terms and build something out of simple language