on Middleman by INTRANSIT
22 Jul 2003, 8:11 AM
good, nice use of language and the poem finishes strongly
on Yellow Star by Mr Pig
21 Jul 2003, 4:02 PM
varied use of language as ever, and the allusions to religeous persecution vis a vis the cutting of hair is succinctly put. So much so the nazi and jew bits are almost not needed
on waiting in my own way by rockinindividual
21 Jul 2003, 3:08 PM
cute first part but you seem to try too hard to ram the point home
on The Path Untrodden by Terence
21 Jul 2003, 6:40 AM
quite good, plenty of varied language and very lyrical
on far but close by KagatoSan
21 Jul 2003, 6:37 AM
A little lacking but reads well and the final three lines closes it well
on hermetic by Bill Z Bub
21 Jul 2003, 6:35 AM
a bit odd, the first verse build up is well but it seems to move too fast to the end.
still original use of language sets it apart
still original use of language sets it apart
replying on Let's Not Forget by Artemis745
21 Jul 2003, 1:52 AM
we you refering to the animals or artemis?
on I've lost my poetic edge by thepinkbunnyofdoom
20 Jul 2003, 12:08 PM
I have no creative thoughts at the moment so I shall write a poem about it!
unless this is a creative thought
anyway a bit too smart/postmodern/ for me
unless this is a creative thought
anyway a bit too smart/postmodern/ for me
on Seduce Like Zeus by EAger to Offend
20 Jul 2003, 12:05 PM
a thought too late and too soon ?
on Let's Not Forget by Artemis745
20 Jul 2003, 12:02 PM
I think you are trying too hard to rhyme. You need to be more graphic and more specific in terms you use. We know what humans do to other animals but point out hypocrisies, use metaphor etc
on Bloody Night by Ted Bundy
20 Jul 2003, 11:55 AM
just seems like a list of fucked up things to do
maybe needs tightening to give the words their full power.
maybe needs tightening to give the words their full power.
on Death Wish by Kitch
19 Jul 2003, 6:10 AM
a little bit distant for a suicide poem, also you probably shouldn't rhyme so loudly on such a serious issue
on Summer Rain by DJCARTER
19 Jul 2003, 6:02 AM
like the structure in the first three lines leading to the mind rhyme.
A lot of this is too self absorbed though, I am not drawn into it
A lot of this is too self absorbed though, I am not drawn into it
on My Angel of Darkness by goddessbyfire
19 Jul 2003, 3:25 AM
Like this poem, not much to grab onto in the way of context but nice images and no obvious holes in it
on Pretzel by daryash-koh
17 Jul 2003, 10:38 AM
needs a bit of insight/ something new to say to compliment the imagery. Like the pretzel bit though nice to have a joke that becomes obvious when it is told
on Train Suicide by snjofridur1
17 Jul 2003, 10:35 AM
a thought is never heard? how do you access your own thoughts then? Does it become apparent only when you open your mouth?
I do like the flow of this the last line spoils it though, a bit too pretentious
I do like the flow of this the last line spoils it though, a bit too pretentious
on Next Century by Birdpia
17 Jul 2003, 10:31 AM
who will write a love poem like this in the next century. A few million I would have thought!
Some good points through I like the abrupt end to the first verse and second
Some good points through I like the abrupt end to the first verse and second
on Border towns & the runs by horus8
17 Jul 2003, 10:28 AM
like hostile as a car bomb and the use of line breaks (prostitutes that pull/)
fourth verse is like an eminem lyric, funny
fourth verse is like an eminem lyric, funny
on rainday by Bill Z Bub
17 Jul 2003, 10:26 AM
I quite like all the daft words you use. It could almost be a nonsense poem or a surreal poem. Bloombrellas is my favourite
on Aluminum Xena - Prima Ballerina by SupremeDreamer
17 Jul 2003, 10:23 AM
sweet images in the first verse well fitted together.
not sure about the direction it took in the second verse. But I like poems that introduce themselves before later revealing the plot
not sure about the direction it took in the second verse. But I like poems that introduce themselves before later revealing the plot