| Re: beyond sences by calilegzzz |
17-Jul-03/10:05 AM |
pardon, where are you anyway
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| Re: Federales by Bachus |
17-Jul-03/9:49 AM |
like it, especially the first verse. I get searched less than I used to after I shaved my adolescent moustache.
set off an alarm today though, commandeered by some george michael alike security guard (must have been in it for the uniform) I had to laugh
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| Re: 1 by Crakyamuni |
15-Jul-03/11:44 AM |
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works well as graffiti. Enigmatic in any given context
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| Re: a comment on Memoirs of a Monk - St. Screamer by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jul-03/8:37 AM |
not sure about the dreamer/screamer bit.
how about (insert) saint
a-postate
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| Re: Death In The Cherry Brook Nursing Home by scitz |
15-Jul-03/7:22 AM |
Sid isn't a bastard, bereft of innocence and idealism he has embraced pragmatism. This happens in old age.
oh yeh and poem is good too
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| Re: a comment on Memoirs of a Monk - St. Screamer by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jul-03/5:08 AM |
I think it is important to continue the image through the poem, then the poem makes sense before the meaning is grasped.
Bringing jesus in in the third verse seems to turn this poem upside down. I guess maybe more religeous image allusions like in the first two (the wine/broken tablet)
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| Re: The War and Dance of The Undertaker by OnTheOtherHand |
15-Jul-03/3:47 AM |
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some nice lines 'pension for your chore' etc but rather a lot of plain narrative to tell the story. Much to commend though
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| Re: Memoirs of a Monk - St. Screamer by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jul-03/3:44 AM |
quite like the occult/religeous wordlplay. The end seems a bit obscure to me though
overall good
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| Re: thought & memory by Bill Z Bub |
15-Jul-03/3:42 AM |
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nice fast flow and good word selection. I prefer verses 2 and three, the first uses surfaces that appear quite decadent
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| Re: Acoustic by zzinnia66 |
14-Jul-03/11:27 AM |
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I like these little packaged thoughts. It is probably easier to make a whole out of such a small verse. But nevertheless you have done it perfectly
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| Re: A Brand New Eye by EAger to Offend |
14-Jul-03/9:00 AM |
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third verse is the best, a pleasant read
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| Re: New Forms by Rodavlas |
14-Jul-03/8:58 AM |
yes nice little rhythm running through this
I'd get rid of hate....heat it seems to clah
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| Re: Lullaby (Finding Peace) by Miggy |
14-Jul-03/8:56 AM |
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I think that was the effect you were going for
kind of soothing
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| Re: My Goddess... by loneshadow29 |
14-Jul-03/8:53 AM |
lucid, but a bit saccharin and I cringed imagining you saying it to someone
not bad though
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| Re: unsent by Bill Z Bub |
14-Jul-03/8:51 AM |
lots of non-sequitors on poemranker like 'give you my breath' the follow up about 'take it at midnight' made my day.
Good poem, tight
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| Re: SILENT ECHOES by Tahlia |
14-Jul-03/8:23 AM |
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| Re: Optimism, pessimism and my quarter theory by INTRANSIT |
13-Jul-03/1:28 PM |
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quite, and isn't saying half empty stating that it has been emptied to half its amount. And showing concern for its half emptiness?
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| Re: In the Vicinity of Dreams by Blue Magpie |
13-Jul-03/6:18 AM |
very good.
A complete poem gentle 'the vicinity of dreams' is kind of modern too
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| Re: SANATORIUM by Tahlia |
12-Jul-03/12:07 PM |
quite simple but clear with a few interesting lines
I think to say minds are jailed in madness is not warranted. And if it is you have not argued it
overall pleasant though
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| Re: a comment on Performer by http://mulberryfairy |
12-Jul-03/12:01 PM |
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I mean doesn't really work
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