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Memoirs of a Monk - St. Screamer (Free verse) by SupremeDreamer
Slam dunk of the drunken monk, lines written red, wine of purple grape, mouth agape in occult worship and uttering the wise words of loud nothings. Piteous Punk of the broken tablet non compos mentis eye fixed upon the decayed ghosts of once golden words hung on methodical chords new age harlot arias radiating profane lies... Timeworn trunk of the Word riddle storm intwined secrets laid within, yet only drunken priests, glare in theistic lore- the spawned son of a whore her mirror reflecting this: Jesus coughs -heaving blood: The life force of a lamb. --5, July, year of our lord 2003 -Saint Screamer. -Apostate Dreamer.

Up the ladder: Where I Stand
Down the ladder: The Devil's Carnival

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 60
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Arithmetic Mean: 8.2
Weighted score: 6.6
Overall Rank: 601
Posted: July 15, 2003 1:03 AM PDT; Last modified: July 15, 2003 9:22 PM PDT
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[8] richa @ | 15-Jul-03/3:44 AM | Reply
quite like the occult/religeous wordlplay. The end seems a bit obscure to me though

overall good
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ > richa | 15-Jul-03/4:21 AM | Reply
hrmm.. i thought the end was pretty clear.. damn it ;/ any good suggestions my good friend? Thanks for your vote/comment, always welcomed.
[8] richa @ > SupremeDreamer | 15-Jul-03/5:08 AM | Reply
I think it is important to continue the image through the poem, then the poem makes sense before the meaning is grasped.

Bringing jesus in in the third verse seems to turn this poem upside down. I guess maybe more religeous image allusions like in the first two (the wine/broken tablet)
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ > richa | 15-Jul-03/6:15 AM | Reply
Hows this rewrite?
[8] richa @ > SupremeDreamer | 15-Jul-03/8:37 AM | Reply
not sure about the dreamer/screamer bit.

how about (insert) saint
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ > richa | 15-Jul-03/8:10 PM | Reply
mmm.. im too attached to that bit, ill keep it.
[n/a] horus8 @ > richa | 16-Jul-03/2:21 PM | Reply
How about Saint Aprostate? lol
[n/a] EAger to Offend @ | 15-Jul-03/2:25 PM | Reply
I like how the layout looks like a lightningbolt\excamation point.
[n/a] <~> @ | 15-Jul-03/9:07 PM | Reply
did you want 'chords', to give it more blood?
maybe "laid" instead of "lain"

good work, here, but not user-friendly. then again, does it need to be?
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ > <~> | 15-Jul-03/9:21 PM | Reply
thanks for pointing those out, ill get em fixed. user friendly isnt something i can be called, im the thorn of the black rose my fellow poet.. the thorn to prick the mind.. ;)
[10] Shardik @ | 16-Jul-03/12:45 PM | Reply
Very good, I'm proud of you, you've done it.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ > Shardik | 16-Jul-03/10:12 PM | Reply
:D I made me pencil into a lightsaber??? heh. thanks. ;)
[10] JoyLuck @ | 17-Jul-03/1:44 AM | Reply
i am amazed
[10] King Abdullah I @ | 17-Jul-03/3:31 AM | Reply
Very good. You are making huge strides forward. Keep up the good work. 10
[9] Bill Z Bub @ | 18-Jul-03/10:59 AM | Reply
Whammo. Golden Calf Award!
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ > Bill Z Bub | 18-Jul-03/8:52 PM | Reply
Golden Calf Award? Whats that?
[10] Ranger @ | 8-Mar-06/3:49 AM | Reply
This is so damn funky! Absolute demon opener, and 'decayed ghosts' is very nice too.
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