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Border towns & the runs (Free verse) by horus8
A border town faceless and hostile as a car bomb With sailors and donkeys for prostitutes that pull their life's work behind them in a suitcase with loud wheels. A drunk bald tattoed spic gets his head bashed in with a Corona bottle While I'm talking to a cute and pudgy beauty that thinks I'm as fruity As parrot soup & chili verde. Everything is for sale Everyone is waiting To take you into their door and give you a taste of your own medicine. One last walk around the cobblestoned block A beautiful street walker flashes me her plump brown tits then pulls up her skirt To top that with a prick. I flick my cigarette and then show her mine's bigger than hers, limp. Later, I go eat at something resembling a Denny's I order using the "English" menu I get the "scrabeled eggs and Bakon" with a smile turned mad grin. When the sun finally arrives I find a crack to climb into, to sleep it off, to wait it out. Having no intention of seeing these filthy in between people returning back to normal. Because, I know we won't ever let them. It's too fucking affordable and less risky.

Up the ladder: 32 Truths and 1 Lie

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 98
.. 20
.. 20
.. 01
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 01
.. 10
.. 33

Arithmetic Mean: 6.96875
Weighted score: 6.966956
Overall Rank: 124
Posted: July 16, 2003 3:20 PM PDT; Last modified: July 16, 2003 3:31 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] <~> @ 64.252.22.163 | 16-Jul-03/7:55 PM | Reply
bueno.
[9] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.182.9 | 16-Jul-03/8:37 PM | Reply
excellente.
...
but your use of words such as... the "n word" and others disturbs me greatly. I'm just a repressed politically correct canuck I guess.
:\
[10] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.179.239 > Bill Z Bub | 16-Jul-03/10:36 PM | Reply
PC is the work of pussy whipped virgins..
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 > Bill Z Bub | 17-Jul-03/8:19 AM | Reply
What "n" word, "spic"?
[9] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.182.9 > horus8 | 17-Jul-03/9:34 AM | Reply
I wasn't talking about this poem in particular.
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 > Bill Z Bub | 17-Jul-03/10:23 AM | Reply
Oh! you mean Nigger hole? Yeah, well my black friends don't mind, they understand that the nigger this poem is about is anything but black, and besides as a poet... I have the final decision in all of my word choices, and I'm kind of bored with how people enpower these words to do evil when they are only a sequence of letters in a sequence of words and lines and paragraphs used to communicate thoughts and stories until we can eventually telepathicly talk, then all of this nonsense about fag, nigger, kyke and blee blow will be a diminishing flicker from a collapsing sun, anyway.
[n/a] Terence @ 195.157.153.253 | 17-Jul-03/7:07 AM | Reply
The fourth stanza is great, but the poem goes all flabby and loses its shape at the end.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 > Terence | 17-Jul-03/8:22 AM | Reply
So what you're saying is more transvestites & less poetry? What shape? Flabby, as in a drapery of cellulite? Oooootay, Terence.
[n/a] Terence @ 195.157.153.253 > horus8 | 17-Jul-03/10:05 AM | Reply
You must agree that the second half of the penultimate stanza and the whole of the last stanza are a waste of space reminiscent more of a holiday diary than a poem. These lines are narrative "chit chat". I hope I'm not being unduly negative. I should stress that I love the first part of the poem. Please try to accept a bit of constructive criticism for once.
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 > Terence | 17-Jul-03/10:17 AM | Reply
No, not at all, I do like to write thick and come back in a month for a trim down, so you're right. I just wanted to make sure you knew what in the hell you were talking about first, and you do, how's that? Fair enough? See, I'm not a bad guy (though my poetry has been shelled off of the best list) I just don't enjoy being ranked by morons, but I agree, I thought it started to dilly dally, I had wanted to end it after the fourth stanza anyway, that's what felt natural at the time. It's just that there was so much I wanted to say about what I witnessed, you know?
[8] Rodavlas @ 198.138.190.203 | 17-Jul-03/9:03 AM | Reply
good-8
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 > Rodavlas | 17-Jul-03/10:24 AM | Reply
gracias
[8] richa @ 81.86.78.85 | 17-Jul-03/10:28 AM | Reply
like hostile as a car bomb and the use of line breaks (prostitutes that pull/)

fourth verse is like an eminem lyric, funny
[10] DurtKL @ 68.75.25.82 | 17-Jul-03/6:25 PM | Reply
this is great stuff man
[n/a] forsaken @ 24.198.100.62 | 18-Jul-03/6:57 AM | Reply
This is great, plus it sounds like back home in Arizona. Living in the poor part with all the Mexicans, I've seen a lot of bald spics with tattos.(10)
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 > forsaken | 22-Jul-03/9:44 PM | Reply
Yeah, me too, they need to be extinguished.
[0] klosterfobik @ 64.12.116.140 | 10-Sep-04/10:53 PM | Reply
Boring
331 view(s)




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