poemranker ::Train Suicide by snjofridur1

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Free verse № 56487

Train Suicide

Member since 2003 · Posted 16 Jul 2003 · 2 comments

Sky: blue. Building: red. Sky building sky. A Chinese man squints in the bright sunlight. sweat is on his brow. The train is coming, bringing something. Blood courses through his veins. rich, healthy oxygen flows through him, very importantly. Whatever, whatever will become of me? A momentary thrill is created abstract ecstasy flows from an illusory sense of self importance. And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, swallowing everything. (A thought is never heard).

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2 comments

[9] Terence 17-Jul-03/7:39 AM Reply
"And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, / swallowing everything" - these lines are brilliant, given the context. Very good overall.
[7] richa 17-Jul-03/10:35 AM Reply
a thought is never heard? how do you access your own thoughts then? Does it become apparent only when you open your mouth?

I do like the flow of this the last line spoils it though, a bit too pretentious