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Train Suicide (Free verse) by snjofridur1
Sky: blue. Building: red. Sky building sky. A Chinese man squints in the bright sunlight. sweat is on his brow. The train is coming, bringing something. Blood courses through his veins. rich, healthy oxygen flows through him, very importantly. Whatever, whatever will become of me? A momentary thrill is created abstract ecstasy flows from an illusory sense of self importance. And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, swallowing everything. (A thought is never heard).

Up the ladder: A Sailors Bottle Message
Down the ladder: Tuning Fork

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Weighted score: 5.0476813
Overall Rank: 6856
Posted: July 16, 2003 1:51 AM PDT; Last modified: July 16, 2003 1:51 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Terence @ 195.157.153.253 | 17-Jul-03/7:39 AM | Reply
"And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, / swallowing everything" - these lines are brilliant, given the context. Very good overall.
[7] richa @ 81.86.78.85 | 17-Jul-03/10:35 AM | Reply
a thought is never heard? how do you access your own thoughts then? Does it become apparent only when you open your mouth?

I do like the flow of this the last line spoils it though, a bit too pretentious
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