Re: blue lilac and I (edit) by richa	7-Aug-03/6:11 AM
If anyone wants to make a helpful comment how about making the change of emphasis from I to the lilac in the middle a bit more seemless thanks.
Re: Perfection Forever by odon919	6-Aug-03/8:30 AM
Funny how words straight from your heart come out in rhyme. I think the abbreviations fit in well with the idea of a pimple
Re: Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend	5-Aug-03/8:22 AM
nice raw images, I like unharnessed elevator
Re: Phantom Space Adventure by SupremeDreamer	5-Aug-03/8:15 AM
ghosts do not have skin, other than that enjoyable enough, ending on a rhyming couplet is quite nice. Although again your 'prison of rage' belongs more in a pimple poem
Re: Palm Field Park by SupremeDreamer	5-Aug-03/8:12 AM
most of the first two verses are not needed. This works for me as the parable of a child alone. And your 'empty youth' sounds a little adolescent indulgent
Re: A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone by thepinkbunnyofdoom	5-Aug-03/7:58 AM
better when read as a pice of prose. The ending is not snappy enough though
Re: I wanna die by scitz	5-Aug-03/7:55 AM
I guess making it a pimple lets you get away with the childish indulgence. Good, but only because you don't mean it
Re: A Dreamers Cookery: Cosmic Gardener [edited] by SupremeDreamer	3-Aug-03/11:51 AM
very ambitious. Last five verses are the best, they could stand as a poem in their own right. Logic impecable. First verse is good, nice images. Not sure about 2 and three. perhaps a little more subtelty
Re: I Can See the Sunset in Her Eyes by justjay	3-Aug-03/11:43 AM
Pleasant,
Re: Grampa Morris by http://bandgeek	3-Aug-03/11:41 AM
fourth stanza you start talking to someone but it is not obvious who. It breaks the flow. I get the feeling you are making this up too, a bit contrived. Other than that nice language selection and all
Re: A Circle Starts with C by rusty	3-Aug-03/11:37 AM
This poem is nonsense, good parts but doesn't seem to lead anywhere. And usually when people talk about masturbation on here, they have run out of ideas and just want to finish the poem with the first thing that comes into their computer geek head other than that OK
Re: A Reporters Saturday Headline Review by Don-Quixote	3-Aug-03/11:31 AM
Not sure why god is masquerading as a prostitute. I guess the final line is about how politicians are glad they are off the front page, or even glad that the virtues they have to live up to are now less. Anyway like the language employed, and the aggression/irreverence
Re: In Gold Leaf by bearhead	3-Aug-03/11:23 AM
'one must tithe the soul' I'm sure I'd agree if I knew what it meant. Quite a lot packed in here, quite machiavellian in intent. Not sure the poem justifies its conclusions fully though.
Re: Bearings by emilyowey	3-Aug-03/11:20 AM
Not sure you have a breath to stand on. Anything thats real is an irritating modern day cliche. Like the bit leading up to show me my direction and the penultimate line although the final line is a bit of a damp squib. Not bad though
Re: Your Great by scitz	31-Jul-03/9:14 AM
Get it! I'm getting quite a lot today
Re: I, criminal by INTRANSIT	31-Jul-03/9:10 AM
oh I get it you are in jail. Cool idea I know you wanted a change of scene but this is ridiculous
Re: Snake Oil: A Deadication by OneFingerAnswer	31-Jul-03/6:56 AM
structure and flow is terrible, I can hardly read it. Shame because I quite like the content.
Re: The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus	30-Jul-03/8:48 AM
first seven and last five lines are a bit ungamely the rest is fine
Re: The Missing Love by loveisendless	29-Jul-03/11:36 PM
Doesn't fit together well. It would be better without the capitalised onwards
Re: I sat for an hour to watch a spider by Jimbo	29-Jul-03/11:35 PM
staring at a spider you saw a spide rin front of you, who would of thought. Other than that well put