on deleted scenes by Bill Z Bub
19 Aug 2003, 7:49 AM
wistful, quite sparse in its language but throws up a few nice phrases 'potato faced bully' is nice
on Starting Over by justjay
19 Aug 2003, 7:46 AM
OK flows kind of well. Well communicated.
Lacking in any real originality though
Lacking in any real originality though
replying on drought on talkin river by richa
17 Aug 2003, 6:54 AM
thanks, but I don't think I have changed it since your last comment.
on whilst the bells ring by richa
14 Aug 2003, 7:11 AM
an old one of mine, I just deleted the last verse and changed a single line for housekeeping purposes
on The Lordy only knows why tornados have no nose by Bachus
14 Aug 2003, 6:50 AM
put the title after the poem and it sounds like the dialogue of a schizophrenic, which is worthy in itself.
mullberryfairy: 'why would anybody want two games of twister?'
'exactly!' -8-
mullberryfairy: 'why would anybody want two games of twister?'
'exactly!' -8-
on Padre's Gumbo by SupremeDreamer
14 Aug 2003, 5:34 AM
good poem, all the images link in so well
and your signature food metaphor
and your signature food metaphor
on American Hiker by Garrett S Sexton
12 Aug 2003, 8:51 AM
your writing always speaks of a writer of quality (and laziness)
on one day, one moment by crwncka1
12 Aug 2003, 8:50 AM
A bit prosaic and lacking.
I like the idea of fog as burning away (like smoke).
Unless you are about to delve deep into philosophy I would leave 'the only thing real' well alone because it just sounds cliched.
I like the idea of fog as burning away (like smoke).
Unless you are about to delve deep into philosophy I would leave 'the only thing real' well alone because it just sounds cliched.
on twilight by geewhiz1962
12 Aug 2003, 8:47 AM
OK at least shows signs of wanting to get to grips with the subject
on (The vinyards of Tuscany) by Patsy
12 Aug 2003, 8:45 AM
Not sure why the title is parenthesized is it because it is somehow incedental.
I like the lively use of language
'victims of a grape' sounds out of place though
I like the lively use of language
'victims of a grape' sounds out of place though
on EARTH Inc. Memo: by SP REYNOLDS
12 Aug 2003, 8:43 AM
pretty enjoyable read
Would certainly go down well at a rally
Would certainly go down well at a rally
replying on A Circle Starts with C by rusty
8 Aug 2003, 7:54 AM
if that is what you wanted I guess my criticism may not have been warranted
on Inet. mag. editors R jealous red haired Jews, oh and I'm 29 by horus8
7 Aug 2003, 7:41 AM
good poem and well done for making it so far then!
on The Belgian Bookworm [revised] by DreamerSupreme
7 Aug 2003, 6:41 AM
good, if you wanted to redraft it I would suggest making it a bit tighter. There are lots of nice images but there are gaps in between.
on Back to the Fistful of Haiku by HaikuMofo
7 Aug 2003, 6:32 AM
this is sixteen haikus. I think versed haikus are supposed to have some kind of theme running through them.
A good haiku should stand up on its own.
I think the first one does, it is quite good
A good haiku should stand up on its own.
I think the first one does, it is quite good
on Emotion Dawns by Nightmare-Poet
7 Aug 2003, 6:29 AM
I am always amazed at all the sad poems on here that employ nursery rhyme verse.
on Speaking my mind. Brilliant Idea! by thepinkbunnyofdoom
7 Aug 2003, 6:27 AM
first two verses are your best yet
the rest sounds a bit of a lecture though
the rest sounds a bit of a lecture though
on Definition of Hypocrisy by Retaliate
7 Aug 2003, 6:25 AM
mmm sounds just like england too. As for the poem it sounds a bit like a political speech. And you can not get more hypocritical than them.
good though
good though
I wondered why my boots were gorne?'
Is an ace rhyme
other than that you shouldn't rhyme you twice and then with poo. I guess you got bored.