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drought on talkin river (Free verse) by richa the tributaries had lost their momentum
since swell, and the run off
had faded to no more than the shallow
beat of a pebble,
relentless as the beam of a lighthouse,
the sun sifted salt from
the wide mouth of the river, in hours
held back by the treeless
scoured landscape, meanderless and
slow, which let the light through
from the far fetch of warm europe;
like the word of a gospel.
Up the ladder:
The Garden Island
Down the ladder:
Losing Anchor
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.666667
Posted: August 14, 2003 3:00 AM PDT; Last modified: August 16, 2003 3:45 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.8333335 Overall Rank: 335 Comments:
[8]
Nicholas Jones @ 137.44.1.200
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14-Aug-03/3:52 AM
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Reply
I like this a lot, there's a pleasing lyricism about it and yet the drought suggests a hint of evil beneath the surface. The final image of the gospel is powerful, suggesting the importance of light in the creation of the earth.
God your good
much much more than youusually give us! smart.
2 quibbles: 1. tarns have mouths? since when? rivers do--not lakes. 2. comma at the end of L5, since the phrase's purpose is to modify. nice work. no vote yet.
You have great sounds in this, long and slow, and good unobtrusive alliteration. Z's right, though; this is a river mouth--the meandering, the salt. Great images--really fresh and accessible.
Hot hot heat.
definitely better. i never quite make the jump from 2 to 3 though. holding score.
nice bridgework.
thanks, but I don't think I have changed it since your last comment.
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