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A Circle Starts with C (Free verse) by rusty The precision of a mattress is sleep.
Tonight the matress cleaves as you enter.
The mattress pretends to sleep
as you cleave to the outside of my precision.
You shake.
I shake it on the mattress,
which is not happy because I usually choose the floor.
The floor is happy even though it needs refinishing.
You get up to leave.
I run to the door.
The floor is malcontent.
You're already halfway down the stairs.
I go on stairing one by one,
but forget about you once you're out of sight.
I run back into my room
and trip over my feet hitting my head on the mattress.
They both giggle.
I throw my phone at the mattress.
The floor chuckles.
I masturbate and cum on the floor to show it who's boss.
The mattress screams, "Touche".
I jump up and down on the mattress
knocking the phone on the floor and hear the receiver.
I forgot to say goodbye.
I call you and get your mechanical voice.
I say, "How about a quickie tomorrow"?
Your line is silent.
Up the ladder:
An Enviable Task
Down the ladder:
father
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.8333335
Posted: July 31, 2003 11:04 AM PDT; Last modified: August 5, 2003 2:05 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2241178 Overall Rank: 4275 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[4]
poetandknowit @ 65.101.210.83
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31-Jul-03/12:02 PM
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Reply
A square starts wit S. A mattress starts with M. why cum and not come. Why come and not orgasmic shot of burning hot salty love spew. I think that would work better.
What the fuck does "percision" mean? This poeme made me feel malcontent.
I like the insane rhythm. The sense that the floor is heaving and pitching; that houshold objects have overcome inertia and are now in rebellion.
I love the Alice in Wonderland type feel, the mattress giggling, etc. What about this "phine" though? 10
yes. you mean "phone" correct? if not, what do you mean? cum to your senses, man!
very funny. i think you could push the envelop of absurdity a little more. in fact, i'm sure you could. and will.
Thanks for cleaning up the typos. I was thinking that you were creating a new word that combined "fine" and "phallus" to make "phine" because you were throwing your "phine" at the mattress. (The mattress, I believed, probably deserved it.)
You deserve more 10's.
thank you very much. I think people aren't seeing what I'm trying to do. I feel that to talk about something you must first understand it. How can you talk of rape (not that any of these poems do) in a peaceful way. Life is more then a shell. I just hope that my humble words can express emotions larger then myself.
This poem is nonsense, good parts but doesn't seem to lead anywhere.
And usually when people talk about masturbation on here, they have run out of ideas and just want to finish the poem with the first thing that comes into their computer geek head other than that OK
glad you think it's ok, but the point is that it leads nowhere. The action is useless, there are no true emotions.
if that is what you wanted I guess my criticism may not have been warranted
Charmng but needs work. "They both giggle" is too vague, even if we can assume it's the floor and mattress. You said it so many times, say it once more. L4 is incomprehensible, and believe me I can understand some obscure stuff, but this is beyond beyond. end it with the mattress somehow. You lying on it contemplating, the mattress comforting you. Again, charming.
two questions, first in line four is it the use of "cleave" that is confusing? and I agree with your comment about "they both giggle" but as I sit her and look at the poem I realize that I'm trying to get to the action of throwing the phone at the mattress. The anger for that action comes from the remark or sound from the two. Do you have any thoughts on how else I could get to that action? because of course I need to bring in the phone so the call can be made.
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