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Are You Experienced? (Free verse) by EAger to Offend
One square centimetre of paper
had made a journey from the lab
to the street,
to my hand,
to my core.
In our surround sound sweat lodge,
the absence of decor blooming
w/ accellerating synaptic combustion,
we beheld the glory of an ultra-clean latrine
and the doomed perseverence of Man.
Then the fireballs
shot up like unharnessed elevators
in the writhing of what was
once a woodgrained door.
We all saw and felt it
and laughed at our common, vibrating ache,
aware now that we best friends
could not rely upon the world
nor each other.
"The world is thin as paper," I thought,
and dutifully acknowledged
what I had so long repressed;
that before a life is started
it already has passed.
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.6
Weighted score: 5.3099275
Overall Rank: 3587
Posted: August 4, 2003 10:08 PM PDT; Last modified: August 11, 2003 10:12 PM PDT
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Comments:
330 view(s)
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"And as fragile as glass."
the paper makes a nice circuit to the intro, but the fragile as glass bit--crap. over-used, maudlin sap.
my complimets on your vividly descriptive second and 3rd stanzas. good work, there.
I tried to spruce up a few other bland spots in this edit.