| Re: bonsai by richa |
16-Dec-03/8:09 AM |
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changed the hacksaw in edit
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| Re: high school tragedy number six by FreeFormFixation |
16-Dec-03/6:50 AM |
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| Re: water damage by skaskowski |
16-Dec-03/6:49 AM |
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good play with words, needs more though
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| Re: Rebel Spirits by miraclemaker |
16-Dec-03/6:46 AM |
good this, my favourite lines being: 'unfortunate in their isolation/of any form of education.' and 'beating immigrants with broken English'
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| Re: it's all quite obviously one big joke by somemorepoetry |
16-Dec-03/6:35 AM |
A human life is six feet deep is not very subtle, and water licks the concrete I would associate with the shallow end (certainly not the deep end only).
Other than that very good, especially the flow and line breaks.
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| Re: For Lauren by BiggRobb |
16-Dec-03/6:29 AM |
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Needs a few clues as to what actions were wrong
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| Re: The Thomas Brown Affair by SupremeDreamer |
16-Dec-03/6:26 AM |
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title: a dead man on being dead or confessions of a dead man.
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| Re: The Thomas Brown Affair by SupremeDreamer |
16-Dec-03/6:25 AM |
quite funny, a haiku is supposed to have more depth though preferably with natural imagery.
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| Re: Henrietta IV by A. Nomaly |
11-Dec-03/3:09 PM |
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Good this, again though the last line should be your power punch and 'adoring them' isn't there. The poem certainly strikes a chord.
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| Re: Dolphins Of Dorset by Caducus |
11-Dec-03/3:04 PM |
like the idea dolphins of dorset (there are no dolphins in dorset) it sounds kind of folklore, gives a nice gentle feel.
Like the snappy wisdom (almost beatish) of searching for god, and memory is a friend.
One quibble, the final verse 'my thorns'. Seems detached from the earlier metaphor. Needs to follow through the image of cutting yourself on the thorns.
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| Re: a comment on Holding on for Jesus by Everyone |
11-Dec-03/8:49 AM |
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not sure everyone wants to pull DA off??!!!
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| Re: To Dark Angel by zagerXizer |
10-Dec-03/11:19 AM |
I love the way you say this poeme took five minutes to write before you even reached the end.
As an end line I suggest this poem should be:
'it only took me 6 minutes to write, 6.02 now, damn 6.10....
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| Re: One Moment in Time by katie_jean |
8-Dec-03/3:57 PM |
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Scarcely an image in the entire poem. I want to believe you I do. But its so distant, just words.
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| Re: ~haiku~ by Entelechist |
8-Dec-03/3:52 PM |
Liquid sadness is a little crude a description. A teardrop drowns the world? why rain (the sky weeps) does not drown the word.
I know what you are trying to say but it just doesn't seem to track.
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| Re: Thankless by shadowaura |
6-Dec-03/10:07 AM |
too many poems about seeing yourself in the mirror, no fresh insights here.
This one is fairly lucid though, like the little rhymes.
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| Re: xxxmas by kingit |
4-Dec-03/9:28 AM |
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cute word play, the last five lines of the first verse seem to lose the way though.
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| Re: The War On Pedophilia by miraclemaker |
4-Dec-03/9:27 AM |
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ok the first half if not a little confusing. The number of images drag the reader about too much. The second part you seem to be writing about yourself for some reason, did you get bored of the paedophilia thing.
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| Re: a comment on Over and Gone by Miggy |
3-Dec-03/3:18 PM |
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do you get yours from ironside???!!
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| Re: my hunger has become a hunger for revenge by nentwined |
3-Dec-03/12:24 PM |
'Hmmm I need some inspiration/ want to write a poem/ feeling a bit hungry/ heh hungry for revenge/heh heh heh.'
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| Re: They who would have me forget by BleedingRose |
2-Dec-03/1:22 PM |
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good rhythm I think. Acid does not ache you though, it burns. In fact acid rain is too weak to do much at all, dissolve gravestones slowly perhaps.
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