on bonsai by richa
16 Dec 2003, 8:09 AM
changed the hacksaw in edit
on high school tragedy number six by FreeFormFixation
16 Dec 2003, 6:50 AM
kill crimson
on water damage by skaskowski
16 Dec 2003, 6:49 AM
good play with words, needs more though
on Rebel Spirits by miraclemaker
16 Dec 2003, 6:46 AM
good this, my favourite lines being: 'unfortunate in their isolation/of any form of education.' and 'beating immigrants with broken English'
on it's all quite obviously one big joke by somemorepoetry
16 Dec 2003, 6:35 AM
A human life is six feet deep is not very subtle, and water licks the concrete I would associate with the shallow end (certainly not the deep end only).
Other than that very good, especially the flow and line breaks.
Other than that very good, especially the flow and line breaks.
on For Lauren by BiggRobb
16 Dec 2003, 6:29 AM
Needs a few clues as to what actions were wrong
on The Thomas Brown Affair by SupremeDreamer
16 Dec 2003, 6:26 AM
title: a dead man on being dead or confessions of a dead man.
on The Thomas Brown Affair by SupremeDreamer
16 Dec 2003, 6:25 AM
quite funny, a haiku is supposed to have more depth though preferably with natural imagery.
on Henrietta IV by A. Nomaly
11 Dec 2003, 3:09 PM
Good this, again though the last line should be your power punch and 'adoring them' isn't there. The poem certainly strikes a chord.
on Dolphins Of Dorset by Caducus
11 Dec 2003, 3:04 PM
like the idea dolphins of dorset (there are no dolphins in dorset) it sounds kind of folklore, gives a nice gentle feel.
Like the snappy wisdom (almost beatish) of searching for god, and memory is a friend.
One quibble, the final verse 'my thorns'. Seems detached from the earlier metaphor. Needs to follow through the image of cutting yourself on the thorns.
Like the snappy wisdom (almost beatish) of searching for god, and memory is a friend.
One quibble, the final verse 'my thorns'. Seems detached from the earlier metaphor. Needs to follow through the image of cutting yourself on the thorns.
replying on Holding on for Jesus by Everyone
11 Dec 2003, 8:49 AM
not sure everyone wants to pull DA off??!!!
on To Dark Angel by zagerXizer
10 Dec 2003, 11:19 AM
I love the way you say this poeme took five minutes to write before you even reached the end.
As an end line I suggest this poem should be:
'it only took me 6 minutes to write, 6.02 now, damn 6.10....
.....
.....
.....
As an end line I suggest this poem should be:
'it only took me 6 minutes to write, 6.02 now, damn 6.10....
.....
.....
.....
on One Moment in Time by katie_jean
8 Dec 2003, 3:57 PM
Scarcely an image in the entire poem. I want to believe you I do. But its so distant, just words.
on ~haiku~ by Entelechist
8 Dec 2003, 3:52 PM
Liquid sadness is a little crude a description. A teardrop drowns the world? why rain (the sky weeps) does not drown the word.
I know what you are trying to say but it just doesn't seem to track.
I know what you are trying to say but it just doesn't seem to track.
on Thankless by shadowaura
6 Dec 2003, 10:07 AM
too many poems about seeing yourself in the mirror, no fresh insights here.
This one is fairly lucid though, like the little rhymes.
This one is fairly lucid though, like the little rhymes.
on The War On Pedophilia by miraclemaker
4 Dec 2003, 9:27 AM
ok the first half if not a little confusing. The number of images drag the reader about too much. The second part you seem to be writing about yourself for some reason, did you get bored of the paedophilia thing.
replying on Over and Gone by Miggy
3 Dec 2003, 3:18 PM
do you get yours from ironside???!!
on my hunger has become a hunger for revenge by nentwined
3 Dec 2003, 12:24 PM
'Hmmm I need some inspiration/ want to write a poem/ feeling a bit hungry/ heh hungry for revenge/heh heh heh.'
on They who would have me forget by BleedingRose
2 Dec 2003, 1:22 PM
good rhythm I think. Acid does not ache you though, it burns. In fact acid rain is too weak to do much at all, dissolve gravestones slowly perhaps.