| Re: I cant stand you by sk8rs_rule_all |
29-Dec-03/9:24 AM |
Rather a round about way to say you hate someone for smothering you.
Anyway, I'm on dylans side.
Also read your 'about page': 'if I write poetry as bad as I skateboard I will end up with a broken arm' (something like that.
Classic nonsense, ace, spike milligan would've been proud.
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| Re: Is this life real? by singinkygal |
28-Dec-03/12:05 PM |
The end is a bit trite: 'of course it is real (or so it seems)' is not going to add to centuries of debate about human existence.
Is this life real sounds like some innanity from a j-lo song too.
Aside from this though, I certainly like the fluid phrasing.
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| Re: Love Is In The Air by Blindpoetry |
27-Dec-03/3:58 PM |
Can it [love] be blue?
Well yes, on film it can. Having said that love in this situation can be rather euphemistic.
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| Re: dipsipglish by Crakyamuni |
27-Dec-03/3:56 PM |
A joke at the expense of rap language?
the first line is the best I think, funny
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| Re: Lenola prays with a stiletto by SupremeDreamer |
27-Dec-03/3:54 PM |
Liberal use of religious language gives this a certain place.
But the stabbing the priest bit, yes it is extreme but why did it happen? The mood seems resigned rather than violent up until then. And why 'husbands stilletos'
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| Re: Fire by Pervy Elf |
27-Dec-03/3:47 PM |
'I have you trapped now' seemed a little odd. Can girls do that?
Other than that OK, there is a certain sadness underneath all the clumsiness.
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| Re: Live for Die for by firestorm998 |
27-Dec-03/3:39 PM |
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You could at least have made an effort.
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| Re: a comment on the gods of rook and man by richa |
23-Dec-03/2:45 PM |
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A quarter pound of ass AND a years pass to loom world?
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| Re: a comment on Paint Remover by Samantha |
23-Dec-03/8:23 AM |
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You run into a cake shop and as one mask goes up another comes down.
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| Re: her treasure by amber1028 |
23-Dec-03/8:20 AM |
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rather sweet, could do with a couple of original images to grab the reader.
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| Re: a comment on You Give Me Love by Free2Rhyme15 |
23-Dec-03/8:19 AM |
'you can't legislate desire'??????.
Thats what the africans say and it was a really good idea for them!!!
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| Re: You Give Me Love by Free2Rhyme15 |
23-Dec-03/8:18 AM |
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| Re: Little Bird by Blindpoetry |
23-Dec-03/8:15 AM |
(a)bsurd.
Quite good, the bit about loving the bird at the end is daft. The selfishness to keep the bird for yourself, saying the outside world is worse, praising captivity is rather well written.
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| Re: TRUTH by somemorepoetry |
23-Dec-03/8:12 AM |
FALSEHOOD
cute idea though, whimsical.
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| Re: Words: lost in translation by fair12 |
23-Dec-03/7:56 AM |
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very good, line breaks and fresh images on every line. My favourite is 'as a lake in a thimble'
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| Re: Friday afternoon Zoo by INTRANSIT |
23-Dec-03/7:54 AM |
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This could be a commentary from either side of the cage. (I'm guessing the spectators)
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| Re: 7th one about Jon by Plaidypus |
23-Dec-03/7:47 AM |
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'i am the peach pit (pith/stone?)/spit out' Is the best line, needs more like that though.
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| Re: I Love You by Blindpoetry |
19-Dec-03/8:39 AM |
All the do and too rhymes are pointless.
try - seeing your face/makes me want/that long kiss - for the first four lines (kiss even half-rhymes with face).
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| Re: I smell coffee by Princess_Snowflake |
19-Dec-03/8:33 AM |
Too much redundancy, shame because at least you tried to deviate from the usual addiction poems on this site.
'i am a coffee addict/i will drink more of it/ until my toes fall off.
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| Re: In my train-IN by ShaNoN+960317485 |
17-Dec-03/8:59 AM |
cute, could do with being less dense on the page, some stanzas and punctuation maybe.
The rhythm is the best thing
'sit I must'? perhaps: I must/sit yawning, rubbing scuffling my rump.
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