| Re: Last flight of a goose by Bobjim |
6-Jan-04/5:51 AM |
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In reverse this poem is ace!!!!
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| Re: a comment on The wise by richa |
3-Jan-04/2:34 PM |
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Yes, I once had an invalid opinion. That people with broken legs do not walk too well.
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| Re: Haiku 2004 by Princess_Snowflake |
3-Jan-04/11:54 AM |
You seem to have put effort into getting the syllable count correct. Unfortunately it should be 5-7-5 not 5-5-7.
Personally I would say abandon the syllable counting and just write something in the spirit of haiku.
This poem is by no stretch of the imagination a haiku, but nevertheless I find it cute.
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| Re: Haikus for Nentwined by horus8 |
3-Jan-04/10:16 AM |
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and tis the year of the monkey
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| Re: a comment on Petrarchan Sonnet about Love by emilyowey |
2-Jan-04/3:29 PM |
How can a sincere poem rhyme real with feel and night with light?
And you don't have to imagine who gave it a -0- because it says under view voting details.
By the way hipster flare is rather good
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| Re: The wise by richa |
2-Jan-04/1:51 PM |
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Thanks for the comments on this, I may use part of it but the poem for me developed too much into a bit of a broadside against aging and the old, which was not meant.
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| Re: A stitch by EAger to Offend |
2-Jan-04/12:55 PM |
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What about the opioids that null extreme pains when the pain is no longer adaptive?
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| Re: Snowboarding, Sierra Nevada, 12/31/03 by Plaidypus |
2-Jan-04/12:53 PM |
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Well written, a bit of the 'science' sounds too much like pop cosmology though.
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| Re: The Fire of My Mind by RubyDragonKnight |
2-Jan-04/12:52 PM |
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Beta-blockers better still.
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| Re: metaphorically speaking by somemorepoetry |
2-Jan-04/12:51 PM |
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Starts and ends with a nice clear voice, but gets a bit confusing in the middle
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| Re: New Leaf by dragonfly |
2-Jan-04/12:47 PM |
Kind of pretty. Sight of him asleep is a bit worn though. And what has leaves got to do with anything.
Good though.
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| Re: O Death by lastobelus |
2-Jan-04/12:43 PM |
The parenthesesed part is pointless.
And the poem is kind of messy. Other than that very good.
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| Re: I don't know why I love Def Lepard For Settle by horus8 |
31-Dec-03/2:19 PM |
'the drummer from def leopard has only one arm'?
Thats nothing, the guy who produces their records is a dog!
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| Re: Emotions and the night by Evening |
31-Dec-03/12:54 PM |
the night smells spicy and sweet????
Other than that a well ordered poem and a killer last line.
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| Re: Anvil man by INTRANSIT |
31-Dec-03/12:52 PM |
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Not sure about the you are this I am that approach. But the logic, storytelling of this piece is very well crafted. Scarcely a wasted word.
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| Re: Let's Play by jasondingus |
31-Dec-03/12:40 PM |
Kind of literate, but you may just bore your conquest to sleep with lines like :'Lift my shirt, above my head,Let it fall, beside the bed, Flesh on flesh, we shall be, I need you to, ravage me,'
It lacks a certain passion don't you think.
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| Re: Drag me Down, Deadweight by phbiscuit |
31-Dec-03/12:36 PM |
Not sure where the walking comes from in the last line, or the cold for that matter (you said earlier the water was warmer where you were together- a rather sweet line).
Also I find such fantasies both overdone and to a certain extent melodramatic.
Other than that this is really good.
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| Re: The Waning Spring by tuthaliash |
31-Dec-03/12:32 PM |
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very sweet, lots of heart.
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| Re: Lie by Pervy Elf |
31-Dec-03/12:31 PM |
emotion is
belief
is lie.
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| Re: Santaâs Journal 25thDec2003 by ShaNoN+960317485 |
29-Dec-03/12:24 PM |
'Breasts of the garden uplands' - yes, clear image, interlocking spurs would be the geographical name I think.
Like the line breaks, very well crafted.
Just a thought, I guess a fun poem like this would benefit from some louder rhymes, like a roger mcgough's childrens poem.
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