| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Haiku 2004 (Haiku) by Princess_Snowflake The new year is here
When the things turn new
And when we are respectful
Up the ladder:
Three Worlds
Down the ladder:
Broken Wings
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.2
Posted: January 2, 2004 10:11 PM PST; Last modified: January 2, 2004 10:11 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0238404 Overall Rank: 7449 Comments:
[10]
lastobelus @ 217.226.20.245
|
3-Jan-04/7:29 AM
|
Reply
This is absolutely briliant. Though I suspect the use of "the" in line two was incidentall, and intended only to achieve sylable count, the result is nevertheles startlingly evocative.
You seem to have put effort into getting the syllable count correct. Unfortunately it should be 5-7-5 not 5-5-7.
Personally I would say abandon the syllable counting and just write something in the spirit of haiku. This poem is by no stretch of the imagination a haiku, but nevertheless I find it cute.
I still think this is fucking brilliant.
When the things turn new. And when we are respectful. Because you damn well better be respectful of The Things. ESPECIALLY when they're turning new. 177 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
