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The wise (Free verse) by richa It is with neither the symmetry
of a wind facing rock, nor
the art of a half-formed thought
that you stand miles from us.
You don't hold in your hand
a butterfly cabbage white and
let go, knowing your grasp
is not waning.
You just know that the still-
water skies cut by its wings
number more
if not for you.
Up the ladder:
Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks)
Down the ladder:
buk has a piss
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.75
Posted: December 29, 2003 12:19 PM PST; Last modified: January 3, 2004 11:48 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.566214 Overall Rank: 2436 Comments:
of a half-formed thought,
just the uneven lines of every faked smile. This made me feel how aging is a complete waste of time if this is the case. Classy.
Thanks for the comments on this, I may use part of it but the poem for me developed too much into a bit of a broadside against aging and the old, which was not meant.
No problem, richa. By the way, if you would like to read a thorough exploration of my views relating to elderlys, why not have a look at my comment (in reply to Joe-joe) on the following poeme:
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
Well? How'd I do? Backhand me if you must. Just let me know. thanks.
Don't ask me, ask richa for his (honest) opinion. I don't have a clue what it means, other that it's about the wise (and decrepit).
How can you offer me points, then? Must be so I can make a fool of myself for your entertainment. Standard issue. And I fell for it. swell.
It doesn't really matter what mark you get as long as you learn from the experience. Just remember that poemes can mean different things to different people, and that there's no such thing as a wrong opinion, even if it is wrong.
"...and that there's no such thing as a wrong opinion, even if it it wrong." Hmmmmm. Nope. I'm gonna leave it alone.
Yes, I once had an invalid opinion. That people with broken legs do not walk too well.
The invalidity of assuming that invalids are invalid.
Liked the first run. This is better though.
nice one Richa - I like the concept of a waning grasp lots.
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20 marks
Here goes.
Still taking the title into consideration, I think the poem is a variation on the "sands of time " theme with the writer suggesting the reader consider the theme from an infirm persons point(assumed). The rock (the decrepit person)is aware and at a point where they are comfortable with knowing that death is near (the blowing wind). This however goes against "the uneven lines of every faked smile", which suggests the opposite.
The "cabbage white butterfly" is not actually a butterfly. It is a metaphor for what a short span of life (healthy) people have and that when we "have" our life (the butterfly) we also (get some of it on ourselves) through the events of our lives the "cabbage" which leaves marks behind (the white powder) which is left behind from white butterflies and by cabbage.The poem could have stated another type of butterfly, one that left a dark or black powder, however, I believe the poet chose white for a (pure) image. White traditionally represents purity. Or a life that has not yet been (scarred) by time. I have not actually seen white cabbage. This does not mean that white cabbage does not exist. The residue is what the poet was actually wanting, I believe. The poem also suggests that decrepit people have difficulty with speech at some point. Which makes it difficult for a healthy person to communicate with, and understand, someone of failing health. There is still much more that i havn't touched on. Thank you for forcing me to slow down and take a fine toothed comb to Mr. Richards' poem. It has revealed many things to me. I have unfortunately lost my secondary view in this process. If it returns, I will share.
I am not so concerned with getting the marks as I am in learning from this experience. Feel free to challenge me again. If there is more to discuss here, By all means, E-mail me.
The communication breakdown was a theme in the first version. That the young have all the beauty and energy, but the old are in possession of the reason this is important. (like shaws 'youth is wasted on the young' quote).
The images I choose are not part of the plot of the poem but are part of the symbolism of the environment, the mood. Cabbage white is a butterfly specie, and is used to give a mood of peace, innocence, shortness of life.
'the uneven lines of every faked smile' was descriptive of a wise mans face (social intelligence). Faked smiles are less symmetrical because of the dominance of one hemisphere of the brain involved in faking. The line was a kind of play on orwells 'when you are forty you have the face you deserve' the idea that you can see the smile lines and sunk brows from your life.
I believe that wisdom is both dynamic and artistic, however. Unless I have taken your statement incorrectly out of context.
My apologies if I have.