poemranker ::Let's Play by jasondingus

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Free verse № 78381

Let's Play

Member since 2003 · Posted 30 Dec 2003 · 3 comments

Hold me tight, hold me near, Whisper how much, you love me, in one ear, Look me in the eyes, and you will see, What your love, does to me, Lift my shirt, above my head, Let it fall, beside the bed, Flesh on flesh, we shall be, I need you to, ravage me, Take the part, that you need so, I give you, absolute control, Don't be gentle, don't be kind, Baby get ruff, and lets grind, O yea that's the way, I could go for this, everyday, Show me pleasure, show me pain, There's no reason, to have shame, Right beside you, I now lay, Inside my mouth, you can play, Oh the games, that you know, Inside me they, will flow!

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mean 6.50 weighted 5.40 rank 3155 views 144 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

3 comments

[7] richa 31-Dec-03/12:40 PM Reply
Kind of literate, but you may just bore your conquest to sleep with lines like :'Lift my shirt, above my head,Let it fall, beside the bed, Flesh on flesh, we shall be, I need you to, ravage me,'

It lacks a certain passion don't you think.
[6] tuthaliash 2-Jan-04/10:09 AM Reply
I like erotic and/or romantic poetry like this, but it seems to me it would flow better if you wouldn't punctuate so often in the middle of a line where there is no grammatical need. Example: "What your love does to me" instead of "What your love, does to me." It certainly is hot and sweaty and breathes heavily, though, and I like that.
[10] singinkygal 9-Jan-04/7:18 PM Reply
Hot!!!