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Lenola prays with a stiletto (Free verse) by SupremeDreamer
Midnight creeps while Lenola quivers engulfed in the devils breath sulphurous and keen. Despite confessions and well-thumbed rosary, she remains squalid- eyeing her husbands stiletto. She quivers in odium; forsaken- guilt gnaws her senses as she begins to realize that Jesus's magic has long been depleted. Her discarded rosary remains on the last pew alongside her silver cross necklace. The jeweled hilt held in her hands instilled serenity. The blade replaced god as she drove it deep into the priest- elated by his blood savagely spilt upon her skin. Murder with a jeweled stiletto became her salvation.

Down the ladder: factor me out

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 20
.. 01
.. 30
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 7.5
Weighted score: 5.6723537
Overall Rank: 1996
Posted: December 25, 2003 5:49 AM PST; Last modified: December 25, 2003 5:49 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 | 25-Dec-03/10:33 AM | Reply
"Jesus's magic" lol.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.164.46 > horus8 | 25-Dec-03/10:40 AM | Reply
I should replace that with something else... ;/
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > SupremeDreamer | 25-Dec-03/11:56 AM | Reply
Not at all. It just made me chuckle.
[8] Joe-joe @ 68.194.47.34 | 26-Dec-03/11:53 AM | Reply
Although there are some akward/forced moments in the second half of this piece(e.g. "the blade replaced god")your vivid imagination remains well in tact here. The 1st 3 verses are extremely well worded....I thought you were on your way to a 10 as I was reading but the poem kind of fizzled out a bit in the last 3 verses. Again, I continue to be facinated by the obsession so many on this site have with Jesus and Catholicism. It seems that those who do not "believe" have more to say about Jesus than those who do. Very interesting phenomenon...don't you agree. I hope all is well with you Dreamer..it's been some time since we've spoken. Peace......Joe
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.168.193 > Joe-joe | 26-Dec-03/12:53 PM | Reply
Yes, I agree. But you should see the die hard atheists talk about religion, its like a mosh pit. The folks that don't believe generally have more interesting things to say about Jesus in my opinion. (not the DH atheists mind you, they say the same shit)

But I've always had a keen interest in the interpretation of the bible and its close relation to all other relgions..

All is well with me, and yes, its been some time since we've spoken- actually, the last time was when I wrote that retard remix parody... you took it pretty badly.
[8] Joe-joe @ 68.194.47.34 > SupremeDreamer | 26-Dec-03/1:34 PM | Reply
Eh pay me no mind....I was probably in one of my pissed off moods. If been working very hard on freeing myself from the bondage of ego and pride...I've always been a hard nosed stubborn son of a bitch....and always thought they were positive qualities....I'm getting a bit older and realize that it's all about finding peace with yourself and the world around you....it's an uphill battle sometimes but that's what life is all about..that journey we all find ourselves on...no matter what we say we believe in.....
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Joe-joe | 26-Dec-03/2:12 PM | Reply
You mean, it's been some time since he's dropped your drawers, and spanked you?
[8] Joe-joe @ 68.194.47.34 > horus8 | 26-Dec-03/4:26 PM | Reply
Such a pathetic little boy you are Horus.....a pathetic little boy.
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Joe-joe | 26-Dec-03/5:00 PM | Reply
Thank you Joe, I'm flattered, but I also know you say that to all of the boyscouts this time of year.
[8] Joe-joe @ 68.194.47.34 > horus8 | 26-Dec-03/7:16 PM | Reply
No no....I respect the boyscouts and would not dare equate them with the likes of you. I hope you're getting your shit together and are guiding your son in the right direction. It is an enormous responsibility you have....he is observing your every move and listening closely to every word that you utter. You only get one chance to get it right so make sure your attention is where it belongs and that your base of values is in tact. How's the music, acting and writing business going? I hope you're finding your way and growing up in the process. You certainly are a hard worker who has a passion for what he does. Your art is not my cup of tea but that's not to say it is without appeal. I wish you good luck.
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Joe-joe | 26-Dec-03/10:08 PM | Reply
What was that your New Years revolution to be nice to me? Thanks, those were some charming things to say, and yes my son's doing very well. he goes to this great school, and he's really a lovely young man.the perfect combination of me and his mother. Sensitie yet kind and giving yet not easy to take advantage of. Outside of my dark world of poetry I'm actually quite sober and reseved these days. I smoke a pipe and read mostly. little acting here, a lot of writing there. things are coming along, slowly but properly. Thanks for asking, and we all know your going to do well this year, now don't we. you're in with the baby jesus. Scoundrel.
[8] Joe-joe @ 68.194.47.34 > horus8 | 27-Dec-03/6:17 AM | Reply
Again this obsession with Jesus..it's absolutely amazing! Scoundrel? You're a panick...just can't resist being a wise-guy can you? That's ok, I kind of like that about you...and Dreamer as well....got to have an edge about you or you won't be any fun to hang with. Glad to hear the boy is doing well and that you're paying proper attention to your crafts. Later Joe
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.165.92 > Joe-joe | 27-Dec-03/12:56 AM | Reply
Well, so my stuff is on the lighter side? Damn it, I thought I succeeded in being extreme ages ago. Or was hoping this priest killing piece would do it.

Your giving off mixed messages here, and I feel as if I've failed in one of my core goals. I demand an explaination.

Oh, and if your being so humble now, that would explain the failure to inject the sizzling attitude and so forth in your last write?
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.165.92 > horus8 | 27-Dec-03/12:49 AM | Reply
I just love how you cut through the bull and get right to the good stuff.
[8] richa @ 81.178.240.218 | 27-Dec-03/3:54 PM | Reply
Liberal use of religious language gives this a certain place.

But the stabbing the priest bit, yes it is extreme but why did it happen? The mood seems resigned rather than violent up until then. And why 'husbands stilletos'
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.163.7 > richa | 28-Dec-03/6:02 PM | Reply
Resigned? Shes englufed in the metaphorical "devils breath" quivering in "odium" (hate coupled with disgust + state of disgrace) and emotionally abandoned by her faith.

The mood isn't really resigned- but I did make the beginning a calm explaination of the reasons for the ending- giving the ending a more passionate feel with the violence blunty conveyed, along with a quick short upfront conclusion.

I guess it doesn't have the expected effect on all of the readers.. ;/ trial and error- poetry is always a learning process.
[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 27-Dec-03/10:01 PM | Reply
I liked "and well-thumbed rosary" but not the repeated noun. Same with stiletto.

I like the characterization lots, you know, that you gave her a name.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.163.7 > Shuushin | 28-Dec-03/6:07 PM | Reply
Repeated noun? (Forgive me, grammar isn't one of my major strong points.) Explain.

Yeah, I used to characterize alot when I was much younger, been missin writing in a narrative perspective.. I made the name up off the top of my head, unless its actually a womans name (-shrug- never read a name list..)
[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > SupremeDreamer | 28-Dec-03/6:17 PM | Reply
(persons, places or things)

stiletto s2, stiletto s7

rosary s2, rosary s4.

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