Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	21-Sep-06/12:31 AM
Hey Amanda, sorry I've not yet replied to your email. I will though, bear with me! This seems very much like a short psalm; lyrical and dramatic. I'd split line 2 into two (finish on 'night'), and finish line 3 on something other than '-ing' (give it a word with a strong ending). Still nice, needs music methinks :-)
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Sep-06/12:45 AM
This is beautiful, although complex. I'm seeing a beggar finding a coin in the first passage, not sure about the swan yet but this is one of those poems which I want to come back to and keep reading. Reminds me of Sunny's poems actually - http://www.poemranker.com/user-browse.jsp?id=141255 Will return to this :-)
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Sep-06/12:49 AM
The story's told well enough, but it's not a hugely gripping tale. Kind of made me think of this: http://lyrics.duble.com/lyrics/H/harry-chapin-lyrics/harry-chapin-mr--tanner-lyrics.htm
Re: if really its me by Landon2	21-Sep-06/2:35 AM
Could do with a run through the spellcheck.
Re: You by amanda_dcosta	21-Sep-06/10:43 AM
Line 4 - reduce to just 'descend' Line 22 - change round to 'He opens new doors' (sounds incredibly forced at the moment) Last line...'big bad' is a little trite, this poem needs a killer endline to really knock us for six. I have to say, though, I'm glad to see you posting again - it's good to be able to rely on someone to post lighthearted and all-round nice poetry :-)
Re: Normality by colbaby	21-Sep-06/10:49 AM
The finest 'Vulgar Poeme' on poemranker, at least of those I've read recently. Line two needs tweaking, the rhythm's out slightly. 'I've lost another shoelace in this giant vat of beer' 'You've made me drop my salad and you've burnt my slice of cow' 'It's nothing new for me to be content with talking shit' !!!!! Please keep posting :-D
Re: Weather poem part 6: idols by nypoet22	21-Sep-06/1:48 PM
I was going to hold commenting on anything else until tomorrow, but this can't wait. 'Damned impressive' doesn't really do justice to it; the concept at least is worthy of top scores. If you could intersperse a few more rhymes among the verses (just like I've done there ;-) ) I think it would flow so much quicker. Also think a certain amount of revision needs to take place with the metric consistency, but I love love love the content. Particularly the end, but I think that generally this is the best I've seen of yours.
Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	22-Sep-06/3:12 AM
I bearded the Lord with a cross Like a goatee, but wooden; it cost Very little to build And the Jews were all thrilled With our saviour's most stylish new moss
Re: Field Of Surnames by Caducus	22-Sep-06/3:18 AM
A lot of this has a strong rhythm of ONE-two-three-FOUR, very musical and very easy to read. Where it deviates, it gets more difficult.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Sep-06/3:43 PM
If this were written as a piece of metric prose, I would be in danger of suffering death by orgasm.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Sep-06/3:49 PM
I've got to agree with richa - those opening two lines are simply destructive. Not sure about stanza 4 - repetition of 'wise' (as you already said) is a bit shaky, but perfection is tricky to achieve ;-)
Re: Attention, This Just In by thepinkbunnyofdoom	23-Sep-06/2:20 AM
You rap student, you.
Re: Shadows In Your Eyes by PoeticJustice	23-Sep-06/2:31 AM
It needs, well, structure. The rhythm's all over the place, which makes it difficult to read. A bit more invention with the rhymes wouldn't go amiss either - remember that rhyme is a rhythmic device and shouldn't be the primary concern. If you can't find a direct rhyme to fit the metre, rhyme loosely, no-one will be too concerned by it.
Re: Doubtcohol by drnick	27-Sep-06/3:15 PM
Damned good, I didn't recognise the rhyme scheme until the second read. Last couplet is a killer; having just walked back through town in the rain I had to laugh at what people were wearing, or I would if I hadn't walked to a club, found a queue longer than a very long piece of string and strolled back again. I meant to leave a message on your blogspace quite recently, actually, but when I got to it I just couldn't think what to write. Are you back at uni, or was last year your finals? If so, what did you finish with?
Re: This, my love is for you by creepshow	27-Sep-06/3:19 PM
Decent poem about addiction. The title needs a little more punctuation ('This, my love, is for you'). I do hope this is only about something minor, not the chemical evils that abound...
Re: Solving Freud's Conflict (not a weather poem) by nypoet22	27-Sep-06/3:28 PM
Excellent.
Re: Las Gaviotas by Bachus	27-Sep-06/3:45 PM
So this has been one of my favourite ranker poems for the last year or so, it was the chief inspiration behind every villanelle that I've ever written, and yet I haven't commented or voted on it until now? This is the best vil. on poemranker, and then some. Whenever I think of the form, I always think of this. -10- and favourited.
Re: A Perfectly Normal Man by Dovina	30-Sep-06/6:10 AM
Brilliant. Millions of chaps who are lucky/unlucky enough to fall under the 'nice guy' category (I'm still not decided on whether it's a blessing or a curse) will nod sagely upon reading this. I love the perspective you tell this from, too - her side of the story...yet at the end of the day, really giving no emotions away. This gets a ten, and deserves it.
Re: Going to Michigan for the weekend by <~>	30-Sep-06/6:18 AM
Love the alternation, although it took me a second read to work it out. Nice, simple language which works well - something I have yet to master - although the ending left me wondering who the poem was addressed to. Lover, husband, friend, all possibilities. But this isn't a piece to be rushed :-)
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Sep-06/6:34 AM
Neat, could do with some of the more worn phrases ironing out (canopy of stars in particular). I did like 'hear the waves match our rhythm' especially - although I think this is crying out to be a little more...teasing. Make us do a bit more work as readers, just like you'd make him do a bit more, rather than giving it all straight away.