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Going to Michigan for the weekend (Free verse) by <~>
You make it out to be more than it is. Really, it's a small place. Sounds fancier than it looks. Still, it's got to be nice to have someplace to go. Someplace with a garden and barbecue grill and some peace. We fish; we sit; we garden; we run; we swim; we relax: all the things the city steals away. For much the same reasons, I put in a pond last fall, and sit with my goldfish and a coffee or a beer, depending on the time of day. We bought it on a whim, with a windfall that came our way I dug it on my own, and the labor was the better part of me for weeks but I needed something, needed and get there whenever we can afford the time away. someone, but I can't tell you that without making it out to be more than it is.

Down the ladder: Legends never die

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.571428
Weighted score: 5.960505
Overall Rank: 1329
Posted: September 29, 2006 1:10 PM PDT; Last modified: September 29, 2006 1:10 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 30-Sep-06/6:18 AM | Reply
Love the alternation, although it took me a second read to work it out. Nice, simple language which works well - something I have yet to master - although the ending left me wondering who the poem was addressed to. Lover, husband, friend, all possibilities. But this isn't a piece to be rushed :-)
[n/a] <~> @ 69.183.14.90 > Ranger | 30-Sep-06/6:35 AM | Reply
thanks, ranger. i'm not sure if i can make this one work without giving away the context. i'd like to get a few more comments before i reveal it.

a friend pointed out that perhaps this one is just for me, but i'd like to be able to publish it. i knwo it needs a lot of work.
[9] nypoet22 @ 65.2.216.112 | 30-Sep-06/7:17 AM | Reply
how should this be read? it's really not clear until the last stanza that there are two voices at play. a little prosy in parts, but it tugs gently at a real and present conflict.
[8] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 | 30-Sep-06/11:05 AM | Reply
If the indented lines are someone talking, and the non-indented lines someone else, then the two seem not conversing, but each in their own world. Either way, "someone" in the last verse, as opposed to "Someone" means to me that the person talking continues from two verses above, ignoring the other. Anyway, a nice set of thoughts on a peaceful getaway.
[9] Bill Z Bub @ 99.239.12.102 | 6-Mar-09/5:58 AM | Reply
you sweet weaver
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > Bill Z Bub | 6-Mar-09/6:02 AM | Reply
it's been a long time since i've held a shuttle.

and now there's a garden, and hops, lots of hops in michigan, and all else is but a tracing of a memory
[8] nentwined @ 75.83.196.201 | 6-Mar-09/7:38 AM | Reply
That's great. I kind of wish the title was just "someplace to go" or something like...
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